March 2, 2003
by C. S. Wyatt
[My Words] [Existential Primer]
Philosophers are salesmen, often of the snake oil variety.
With a bit of practice, and this handy guide, anyone can be a philosopher.
Philosophy is rhetoric, the art of speaking convincingly. It is men and women presenting their biases and opinions as universal truths. It is the confusing of subjective analysis with objective truths. Philosophy is, at its core, the attempt to convince others that your world view is superior to other viewpoints.
Because philosophy is the attempt to sell ideas and opinions, it relies upon the skills of its practices to speak and write well. Philosophy relies upon marketing — which reduces matters to syle over content in the mass marketplace of ideas.
Starting with a belief, the philosopher declares his opinion a hypothesis. Since it cannot be tested scientifically, the philosopher examines his life experiences to prove this opinion reflects what is right for humanity. Because humans like to relate to each other, a philosopher easily demonstrates how his experiences contain common elements. How the philosopher responds to life becomes a “truth” in his system.
Religion and philosophy are similar in that people defend their beliefs using all sorts of mental gymnastics.
“Ethics” is the study of what is good or bad in various situations. Ethical systems reflect social and personal values: weights given to various choices in situations.
Philosophers cannot avoid reflecting their social experiences. The ethics of a society shape the philosopher; his or her values either accept or reject those of the society. In large part, people tend to accept the broad ethics of a society, even if rejecting some values.
Becoming a philosopher is simple. The following suggestions should help anyone become a leading philosopher. We also provide tips on how to succeed as a philosopher in academic settings versus success in general society.
Everyone is just like you, when you you’re a philosopher. The only difference is that you know how universal your life is, while others often fail to see the ways in which your pain, suffering, loss, love, joy, and other emotions parallel those of everyone. You feel more deeply. This depth of feeling means you are like an artist, without any requirement that you possess artistic skills.
A good way to demonstrate the depths of your emotions is to be depressed. Depressing philosophers get more attention within academic circles. However, you might want to appeal to the self-help crowd and enjoy some financial success. In that case, be happy all the time. Show how you have triumphed over the pains of normal existence. Either way, you are reflecting how everyone else should feel.
Tips: Academics like suffering a lot. If you can have an emotional breakdown, preferably requiring either medication or long periods of counseling, your career will receive a nice boost.
In popular culture, it is better to develop an addiction, the result of some early abuse in life. You need to have been the victim of something terrible, no matter how pampered your life.
Philosophers debate human nature. (A) People are well-intentioned, born almost pure of heart, eventually destined for a utopia without laws or armed police. (B) People are greedy, self-centered animals requiring law and order if society is to survive.
Make a choice and apply it broadly to support your philosophy. The people are good view can be a bit tough to defend, but it has mass appeal with idealists. The people are bad view works if you want a philosophy that works with Western religious tradition. (Adam and Eve, original sin, we are all guilty losers needing to be saved….)
Tips: Academics and pop philosophers adhere to an updated version of both theories. We are born good, then events we cannot control make us bad. These events we cannot control are usually the fault of people born bad.
You are still good if you know more than everyone else — which you must, since you care enough to become a philosopher and share your wisdom.
People want philosophy and religion to offer a meaning of life. I am not sure there is one — which is still an “answer” to the meaning of life! Philosophy allows vague answers, which is a lot more convenient than astronomy or physics.
What is the meaning of life? It does not matter, really. Any successful philosopher states what it is, but leaves a lot of room in case he or she is wrong.
You have several options when considering how to sell a philosophy. The safest route is to become a teacher, while the most financially rewarding is to become a self-help guru. In the middle reside the talk show guests, the literary elite, and artists with social agendas. Since mosts artists are neither well-known nor influential, not counting musicians and actors willing to be arrested for social causes, I suggest we focus on the two primary alternatives. (I see no reason to waste time on the literary elites or talk show guests — they eventually become teachers or self-help gurus.)
Teaching requires a lot of effort. You have to spend years in school. However, this spares you the misery of working in the real world.
You only need to be charming to be guru. Actually, some gurus aren’t even charming. You simply need to convince other people that you can help them deal with life.
Mail comments and suggestions to: cswyatt@tameri.com
This site copyright © 2003 by C. S. Wyatt
Last Updated:
Sunday, 17-Feb-2008 19:24
These works may be reproduced mechanically or electronically in whole or part on the condition that the author is acknowledged as C. S. Wyatt. These works may not be modified.