For Many Women, Laci

May 7, 2003
by C. S. Wyatt

Written at a specific time, when a horrible criminal case was entertainment.

Laci Peterson. I was sick of her name, in print and on the television. Then, I thought about why her story is everywhere.

I blamed a wolf pack mentality in the media, since that as an obvious explanation for “all Laci, all the time” news coverage. Do the American media like simple stories, with soap opera plotlines? Yes. These stories appeal to us on an emotional level and require minimal critical thinking skills. Yet, we also manage to learn a bit along the way. How many people knew about DNA and RNA testing before O. J. was tried? But there is no escaping the joys of a shared experience — but this is not a sporting event or a television sitcom’s finale.

The public seemed at fault, too. Is the public voyeuristic? Again, I cannot claim otherwise. We do wonder how other people live. We judge others, to excuse or judge ourselves. Nothing is better than seeing the mighty fall or the small succeed, allowing us to feel better about ourselves in the process. Yet this story is not about being voyeurs.

Then I realized, the story matters. It matters a lot.

Laci’s story is about women and men.

Other women are murdered. Other wives have cheating husbands. Laci's story combines different social ills into one symbol.

Laci Peterson vanished on Christmas Eve, 2002. She was pregnant with her first child, a son. Her husband, Scott, had gone fishing that day. Apparently, he liked to go places — usually “business trips” that included seeing another woman.

When Laci’s body washed ashore, not far from where Scott had gone fishing, he was arrested within hours. Sadly, it was months after she vanished, and the unborn child, Conner, was dead, too.

That background information allowed many women to connect with Laci.

Scott Peterson has come to symbolize what is wrong with men and how women are often both victims and co-dependent on lousy examples of the male gender. Not everything that follows is Scott Peterson, but how we might see him.

He is a salesman from an upper-middle class family. Scott is smooth — a salesman by profession. Since he is a fertilizer salesman, we can all create puns to describe him.

What allows women to connect with Laci? Abuse and a controlling husband.

Abusive men, even the emotionally abusive types, are narcissist. Scott was certainly concerned with appearances, and a secret affair implies being somewhat self-centered. I do not wish to imply salespeople are all narcissistic, but it helps. Supposedly, Scott moved so Laci could be near family. I have no idea how he was doing or why they moved, but the clear impression to the world would be one of a caring, loving husband.

Some men need to control the image. Laci was an image, for Scott.

Did she have many friends? Some reports say she did not. That would imply Scott wanted her to remain at home or at least isolated and under his influence. He wanted to be everything to her, while he was not under the same obligation.

Amazingly, women tolerate this from men. Too many women want or accept being a possession, in the name of love. And I do not doubt they love these men… and might even think they can change the man.

Controlling men use a mix of strength and weakness to manipulate people. After abusing a partner verbally or physically, then men apologize and accept the blame. They declare their love and promise to try harder.

Women are conditioned to maintain order and stability. Women with abusive partners tend to be perfectionists, so they think whatever problems exist must be theirs. Either they deserved the abuse, even of the passive-agressive nature, or they are not doing enough to help the man.

I am not blaming the women for the abuse. The abuser is the man, the slick and popular partner able to manipulate everyone into thinking he is the ideal, charming husband. If he cheats, it is only because women cannot resist trying to seduce him. Or, he has needs — not wants — that are not being met by his loving spouse.

A jerk is a jerk.

Women trying to be perfect, unsure of what is normal emotion after a time, will keep trying to preserve the image of perfection others see. The perfect family. An ideal couple. Any problems are her issues.

When perfectionism becomes chronic, we see it most often in women. Somehow, they want to prove they can and do control something. Usually, it is their bodies because it is easy to “shape” (or hurt) yourself. I wonder if Laci tried to be perfect. I wonder if we will ever know if she tried to maintain some sense of power.

It does not make her weak, or ill. It makes her a victim of a social system that is broken. Women are to be perfect, men can be anything. (Trust me, I am far from perfect.) What do we expect of men in relationships? Not very much. As long as he has a job, behaves in public, and proclaims his love, all is well.

The problems are his. The problems are with society. We expect women to hold things together — to manage families, and almost any group. The stress is unreasonable.

Husbands should not be bosses. They are not, contrary to the saying, “kings of their castles.” Men are simply men, meant to be partners in relationships — not dictators entitled to childish tempers and moods.

Scott Peterson, fairly or not, symbolizes this for women. He might be innocent of any crime and a loving partner to his deceased wife.

Women suppose Laci was abused emotionally or worse, because so many are.

Men want to be in control, while also being cared for like children. They want to be “king” and “child” in the household, pampered tyrants.

When the abuse is passive-agressive, it is no better. Cheating insults a wife’s love and passion for husband. How can you lie to someone and claim you respect her? And claiming you need more than your wife implies she is worth only a fraction of you.

Equality does not exist in many, if not most, relationships.

I worry that Scott is innocent and all these emotions will once again be hidden by women. Even now, few seem to be giving voice to what I theorize is the real connection to Laci.

Why do women like these men? I do not know. Maybe it is “evolutionary biology” or an ordained order in the universe. I do not care why men and women have these relationships — we need to do better. There is a chance I might understand the news coverage and interest in this event. (I might be wrong, too.)

Unable to express their frustrations, their anger, their anxiety, for many women, there is Laci.

Mail comments and suggestions to: cswyatt@tameri.com

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