Last updated on November 26, 2023
Family comes first for most of us, even when we make tough choices to follow or not follow career opportunities.
Some friends have had to live apart from their partners, their spouses, and even children. They had bills to pay and felt obligated to choose career opportunities over remaining at home. They made sacrifices for family, and it was hard for their families to be apart.
Other friends have passed over great opportunities. That is also difficult and leads to its own emotional and family stresses.
When my wife and I decided to be foster parents, with the possibility of eventually adopting, we realized that the needs of the children coming into our house would alter our career choices. We had no idea how long any child might stay or if a child (or children) would be eligible for adoption.
Now, we have two wonderful foster daughters and we are their pre-adoptive home. They are our children and we put their needs ahead of ours. That’s what parents do.
Because they are not yet adopted — and the when of adoption has proven to be impossible to predict — we have to remain where we are. Staying here is okay for now and it is okay for however long that is what is best for the girls.
Maybe I could find work at a university if I were willing and able to commute a long distance, leaving my wife and the girls without me for days or weeks at a time. But, I like helping to meet their needs. I like taking them to school and other appointments. I like being with the girls because they need positive parental role models.
So, my career options need to be nearby. That means no national job search. It means I might have to pass on some options for now.
I do not feel good about not having a career that contributes significantly to the household budget. I freelance here and there, earning what I can. I am working on some academic papers and attending conferences. But, I am not a professor at this time and I’m not sure I will be again.
Ideally, a university in our region finds that I fit a need. Or maybe a company needs one of my skills.
We make tough choices as parents. That’s why my parents did, what my wife’s parents did, and what all good parents must do.