Updating some notes on my life, for both personal reasons and to reconsider the aborted autobiography on life without knowing you are autistic, is depressing. A long list of personal and professional failings.<\/p>\n
Writing is my refuge, even though I haven\u2019t made a career of it. When I get paid for a column or receive a royalty check, that\u2019s a nice affirmation but not enough to throw a party. The good thing about writing, unlike any other career pursuit, is that it doesn\u2019t cost a lot of money. Paper, pencil, and off I go.<\/p>\n
Preparing for my careers was expensive. Teaching requires degrees. Exams. Certifications. College costs money. Exams and certifications cost money. Each failed attempt at a career came at a high price, and that translated into greater emotional costs, too.<\/p>\n
I’m not sure if supports earlier in life would have helped or not. I’ve known since 2007-08 and I’m still underemployed and struggling with personal and professional relationships.\u00a0This is a recurring theme on the blog, too.<\/p>\n
The years, the decades, rushed by and now I\u2019m not going to have a career. I\u2019m not going to be anything professionally. \u00a0I don\u2019t even have the focus and dedication to make this blog and the podcast a career. I don\u2019t have enough to write or talk about on the narrow topic of The Autistic Me<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n Many jobs ended badly, some for physical health reasons. I’m not good at establishing my needs and advocating for them in the workplace.<\/p>\n Now that I’m in my 50s, the dream of a career (at least 5-10 years somewhere) is fading. The dream of success as a writer is also fading.<\/p>\n I am a pretty decent father.\u00a0Maybe because I\u2019m so aware of my failings, I try to be better and better at parenthood. I also want to be a better husband and friend to my wife. Marriage and parenthood aren\u2019t easy, but they are worth it.<\/p>\n Reading through my old calendars and journals, I was optimistic every few years. The problem with flying high is that the fall down to earth hurts a lot. I want to protect our daughters from falls like that. Not every fall \u2014 those will happen. I just don\u2019t want them to have a life that feels like one crushing defeat after another.<\/p>\n It\u2019s good to know the blog is read because that also makes me feel a little bit useful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Updating some notes on my life, for both personal reasons and to reconsider the aborted autobiography on life without knowing you are autistic, is depressing. A long list of personal and professional failings. Writing is my refuge, even though I haven\u2019t made a career of it. When I get paid…<\/p>\n