Exhaustion is winning. I\u2019m tired. Call it burnout or fatigue or whatever else might fit. I cannot think clearly, I\u2019m on edge, and I\u2019m quite short-tempered with everything and everyone.\u00a0I want a break. Time alone. Quiet time with minimal interactions with anyone\u2026 maybe no interactions at all.<\/p>\n
Before moving to Texas, before the pandemic, I\u2019d go to a diner and write. I\u2019d work and help myself to the salad bar at Eat-n-Park or order an endless stack at King\u2019s Family Restaurant. In Minneapolis, it was Chianti Grill. In California, my go-to places changed names a few times, including a Bob\u2019s Big Boy.<\/p>\n
Bottomless coffee or tea and whatever food was served that I could make last for a couple of hours.<\/p>\n
To sit and write and think\u2026 alone.<\/p>\n
Another year without my breaks. Without my all-night diner sanctuaries, with their soups, salads, and breakfast specials.<\/p>\n
The start of 2022 technically marks the start of what will be our third year with COVID-19, the \u201cnovel\u201d coronavirus having lost its novelty two years ago.<\/p>\n
Sitting in my rocker-recliner, working in my office, or sitting on the couch is not the same as sitting in a diner. There\u2019s something different about the food, the coffee, and the atmosphere.\u00a0I\u2019m writing this at 1 a.m. with the girls and Susan asleep. I hear the trains roll by, sounding their horns as they approach the crossing gates. I\u2019ve eaten some nuts and \u201csteak strips\u201d while drinking at least six cans of infused sparkling water. I\u2019d rather be in a diner.<\/p>\n
Will it be that 2019 was the last \u201cnormal\u201d year some of us will recall? The last pre-pandemic \/ endemic year for a decade or two?<\/p>\n
Home reminds me of how long we\u2019ve all been\u2026 stuck at home!<\/p>\n
When our girls came home on March 13, 2020, it was for the start of spring break. Most of us suspected there might be a lockdown, based on the panicked news coverage. And sure enough, a break turned into the remainder of the school year. Virtual learning was mostly a waste.<\/p>\n
Surely 2020-21 would be the school year during which we all returned to normal. Except it wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Okay, then 2021-22 could finally be that normal school year we needed! Nope. It hasn\u2019t been normal, either.<\/p>\n
Homeschooling, virtual learning, or hybrid, every family with school-aged children is experiencing another frustrating year of pandemic parenting.<\/p>\n
During the day, I try my best to keep our youngest on task while periodically checking on her older sister. In the afternoon, I supervise their physical education time. By dinner, I\u2019m ready for a nap. After they are in bed, I prepare the next day\u2019s work for our little homeschool academy. I record grades, read their book reports, and wonder where the hours go.<\/p>\n
Every day, every single day, I wonder if Susan and I are being too cautious. Should the girls be back on campus? Should we relax and assume we\u2019re safe from the latest variants?<\/p>\n
We\u2019re using curbside service. A lot of online shopping. Drive-through at the pharmacy. Limiting errands and always wearing N95 masks when we must be around people.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve been doing this almost two years. I\u2019m sick of it.<\/p>\n
I have no desire to meet up with people. I\u2019m don\u2019t miss meetings or social gatherings.\u00a0No, I don\u2019t want to be out and about around lots of people. I\u2019m not eager to be in crowded, noisy spaces.\u00a0I just miss my diner time. My time, in spaces I found relaxing. Specific spaces that felt comfortable.<\/p>\n
The girls need a break, Susan needs a break, and I need a break. There\u2019s such a thing as too much together time. Two years certainly qualifies.<\/p>\n
The sameness of every day is depressing. I\u2019m not like Susan, who can eat the same breakfast and lunch every day. She can sit and read a book on the couch and be content-ish at night.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not optimistic, no matter what the \u201cexperts\u201d are saying on television or being quoted as saying in news articles. I don\u2019t trust any optimists after the last few years. There will be another variant and more booster shots and more waves. The pandemic will become endemic and life might never be the way it was.<\/p>\n
When normal does return, I assume I\u2019ll be left behind. After years of homeschooling, the girls will go back and I\u2019ll be at home, without much purpose. I\u2019ll try to work on projects that are unlikely to be published, produced, heard, or read. I\u2019ll try to create work, and that will remind me that I should have finished the projects during all the \u201cfree time\u201d I had long ago.<\/p>\n
During the pandemic, at least I have tasks and duties. The girls and their educations are my responsibility during the weekdays. What will I do when normal returns? Will the blog and podcast magically burst into the rankings? Will I finally pitch a manuscript to a publisher? Will I finally have a career of some sort? Or will the end of the pandemic remind me that I\u2019m not much of anything?<\/p>\n
I want to be teaching a college course during the day, writing at night, and having fun with the girls on weekends.<\/p>\n
We all need 2022 to end closer to normalcy.\u00a0And I need my diner time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Exhaustion is winning. I\u2019m tired. Call it burnout or fatigue or whatever else might fit. I cannot think clearly, I\u2019m on edge, and I\u2019m quite short-tempered with everything and everyone.\u00a0I want a break. Time alone. Quiet time with minimal interactions with anyone\u2026 maybe no interactions at all. Before moving to…<\/p>\n