Unsolicited advice comes from many directions, including from other autistics.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou just need to be more patient.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou probably don\u2019t understand your daughters\u2019 Neurodiversity.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou might not know the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown.”<\/p>\n
Our many failings as parents have been documented and relayed to us by teachers, therapists, and social workers. The people without children offer the most advice. I do wonder how their views will change once they confront a 90-pound girl tossing herself to the floor and flopping about like a fish out of water, screaming at the top of her lungs. Books and classes don\u2019t prepare you for reality.<\/p>\n
The clich\u00e9 rings true: Parents know their children best. Susan and I know our daughters and we have a fairly good understanding of Neurodiversity.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re dealing a pre-pre-teen. It\u2019s not fun. It\u2019s not Neurodiversity, either.<\/p>\n
Obviously, since this is The Autistic Me<\/strong><\/em> blog, I know something about the topic. Plus, I deal with ADHD, sensory overload, and anxiety. I understand that sometimes life\u2019s too much to handle.<\/p>\n That\u2019s not what\u2019s happening with our daughters, especially not the youngest.<\/p>\n Sometimes, oppositional behavior is\u2026 oppositional. It\u2019s not about ADHD, autism, sensory processing, or anything else.\u00a0Every parent of a preteen or teen understand this phase.\u00a0Children test boundaries. Some respect the boundaries, once determined, while others continue to challenge authority figures.<\/p>\n Granted, our youngest is eight, not 13. Yet, she\u2019s really into the moody stage.\u00a0She now \u201cmultibitches<\/strong>,\u201d which is multitasking in whine mode. She can issue multiple gripes and complaints simultaneously.\u00a0She has always been a drama queen, but the theatrics have become more extreme.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m tired of school. I already know enough. I want to go run errands. Let\u2019s get me something to eat. I don\u2019t want to eat sandwiches for lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n Her first \u201cNo!\u201d was a big, exciting deal. After all, it was a clear word with a clear meaning.<\/p>\n As many parents will understand, we are glad that she uses her words to communicate. She still occasionally flings herself to the floor, kicking and screaming. Thankfully, she doesn\u2019t do that daily anymore.\u00a0Still, she has quite the oppositional streak, and some strong opinions on what she should be allowed to do.<\/p>\n By December, halfway through the school year, she was managing to refuse to schoolwork, chores, basic manners, and pretty much anything she didn\u2019t want to do\u2026 which was anything Mom or Dad asked her to do. We could ask her to do something she enjoys and the eight-year-old would decide she doesn\u2019t want to engage in the task. Nope, not if an adult makes the request.<\/p>\n She still throws tantrums when the complaining doesn\u2019t work. The tantrums fail to persuade Mommy or Daddy, too, but she seems to believe they will\u2026 someday. Tantrum after tantrum, she ends up still having to do the homework and not getting whatever it happens to be that she was demanding.<\/p>\n We do our best to be patient. We try to \u201cmake learning fun\u201d when feasible. That\u2019s not enough for an oppositional child.<\/p>\n Learning isn\u2019t the only challenge.<\/p>\n When we mentioned to a therapist that the little one likes to take junk food from our pantry, the response was: keep some healthy foods available.<\/p>\n I\u2019m sorry, but she\u2019s taking food from high shelves at 2 or 3 a.m. She isn\u2019t taking the fresh fruit from our counters or eating the granola bars. She\u2019s moving chairs and climbing to reach sugary sweets.<\/p>\n The little one has eaten baking cocoa, which I didn\u2019t believe anyone could eat. Not sweet chocolate \u2014 baking cocoa.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t feed me what I want. We don\u2019t eat fun foods. Why do I need to eat dinner before dessert? I want cookies and ice cream. I\u2019ll eat what I want.\u00a0Later, she\u2019ll complain that we allow her to eat too much and that she\u2019s fat.<\/p>\n If this is her at eight, I can only imagine her teen years.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Unsolicited advice comes from many directions, including from other autistics. \u201cYou just need to be more patient.\u201d \u201cYou probably don\u2019t understand your daughters\u2019 Neurodiversity.\u201d \u201cYou might not know the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown.” Our many failings as parents have been documented and relayed to us by teachers,…<\/p>\n