Over the last few months, I’ve been asked several times about friends. More precisely, the question has been if I have any friends.<\/p>\n
When I read online comments from autistic (\u201cASD\u201d and \u201cAspie\u201d) individuals, many are upset that they have no friends and seem to do everything \u201cwrong\u201d in a relationship. I think this is more a situation of being human than being someone with a disorder… humanity struggles to maintain connections. Yes, I do everything wrong and seem disinterested even when I am not. That certainly does upset me when I do care about someone. But is this due to “autism” or simply poor social skills?<\/p>\n
People I have truly cared about needed me to “appear more interested” in their lives<\/strong>. I was interested, judging by my notes and journal entries. But, I wasn’t able to signal how interested I was. Instead, I came across as self-absorbed. One even described me as “calculating” \u2014 and indeed, I was “calculating” in the sense that I was trying to behave according to a decision tree model. If she said X, I should answer Y.<\/p>\n It is also hard for people to believe you tell the truth, which starts to sound to others like a calculated lie, based on what I have experienced. Just try to explain you get physically ill when you try to create stories about yourself. But most people understate and overstate for social reasons.<\/p>\n So, I’ve lost some people from my life I wish I hadn’t.<\/p>\n I realize one of two people might list me as a friend, but the real qualifier is if I have talked to the person in the last six months or more. Is there anyone I talk to, chat with online, or write via e-mail? Is there anyone whose “company I enjoy” on a semi-regular basis?<\/p>\n The answer, as for many other Americans, is no.<\/p>\n Beyond my wife, I don’t really recall anyone from the past that well, either. Since I don’t even recall names of people I am in class with currently, this isn’t much of a surprise. Still, I do wonder if there are people I should recall because they were my friends.<\/p>\n Going through yearbooks, the letters I have saved, photos, and other memorabilia, I can develop a list of names. But, I don’t know much beyond what I have from the past. I suppose that should be frustrating, but it’s more a curiosity.<\/p>\n If people didn’t ask me about friends, I suppose I wouldn’t ponder why I don’t have any. It’s not something I ponder when I’m sitting at home among the cats and the books. Most of the time, I’m rather content to sit and read or write. I’m not sure what I would do with a friend… other than bore the person or offend the person with my personality.<\/p>\n Do I wish I had friends? Yes. But no idea why. At least I have the one friend who counts most: a wife I would do anything for<\/strong>, including struggle through a doctoral program.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Over the last few months, I’ve been asked several times about friends. More precisely, the question has been if I have any friends. When I read online comments from autistic (\u201cASD\u201d and \u201cAspie\u201d) individuals, many are upset that they have no friends and seem to do everything \u201cwrong\u201d in a…<\/p>\n