I like my routines. Actually, predictability and safety are what I like. It isn\u2019t that I follow the same routine every day, just that I like to have things available to me in case I feel stressed.<\/p>\n
I want my radio programs at the times I expect. I hate it when television shows change times. I don’t like to take new paths home. If things around me change too much, I panic. I like my pens, my paper, my desk just the way it should be \u2014 just in case I decide to write<\/strong>.<\/p>\n For a number of reasons, I was thrown off schedule some years ago and never really recovered my schedule. My writing has suffered, my mind has suffered. I haven\u2019t been able to restore my sense of order since the turn of the century, which sounds really strange. I was starting to write again about two years ago, it seems, then I ruined the creativity by returning to school<\/strong>. I miss my poetry, plays, and stories a lot. That bothers me.<\/p>\n My hope was that I would be able to write more here, but instead I just want to scream.<\/p>\n I have done very poorly in my new location<\/strong>. I miss my favorite places to eat, my favorite places to sit and relax. I miss knowing where things are, even if I do not go to them. Not being able to get a donut at midnight bothers me more than I can explain.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not that I am not spontaneous \u2014 but my spontaneity is predictable. Any impulse I have is for something I know I like and enjoy. An urge to walk the Santa Monica Pier. A desire to eat Chinese food in Morro Bay. A need to drive through Sequoia National Park. When I can\u2019t do the things I need, I can\u2019t relax. I get an urge to eat Mexican food and I want it from one of a dozen places I know \u2014 not from anywhere else. It\u2019s a spontaneity with limits.<\/p>\n I miss home because I know it, but it goes deeper than that. The places and things I miss simply do not have parallels where I am now.<\/p>\n What I need is to find new places to sit, places where I can work and not feel tense. So far, that hasn\u2019t happened.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I like my routines. Actually, predictability and safety are what I like. It isn\u2019t that I follow the same routine every day, just that I like to have things available to me in case I feel stressed. I want my radio programs at the times I expect. I hate it…<\/p>\n