The line between anxiety disorder and whatever it is I am is often too blurred to matter.<\/p>\n
Since my first semester at the university fell apart, the second and now the third bring nothing but dread. A lot of dread. I wish it were different, but there’s so many other things also occurring in life that school is just one more thing \u2014 and the thing I enjoy the least, slightly ahead of driving in Minnesota and taking public transit. The problem is that school merges all of my issues into one bundle.<\/p>\n
The urban setting of the campus, unlike the campus where my department was based, makes me tense. It is noisy, dirty, and unpleasant. I do not like it nearly as much as the other campus.<\/p>\n
Urban settings are not for me \u2014 they are too intense<\/strong>.<\/p>\n I do not like public transit, but driving in the area (and parking) is nearly impossible. The stress of planning how to get to and from campus is overwhelming. I especially dread the winter months.<\/p>\n Normally, I need extra time to recover from stress each week. This semester, there was a scheduling problem and I will be on campus five days a week. The fear of what can happen without recovery time is causing yet more stress. You have to appreciate the circular \/ recursive logic of the situation.<\/p>\n I’m teaching a course without really knowing the past requirements used by the department. I like to be prepared far in advance, but with only thinly outlined syllabi from previous years, and no copy of the new text, I am lost. This means I will be caught trying to prepare the weekend before classes start. I like lots of preparation time; it comforts me to have extra time. Now, I worry about what I will be teaching.<\/p>\n I don’t know when I’ll have the time and energy to finish our home remodel. The state of the house bothers me, making it even harder to work on the house. I don’t like the mess at all. This affects school because my books are in boxes and my desk is in the garage. I don’t like the disorder at all.<\/p>\n Getting through this year will not be easy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The line between anxiety disorder and whatever it is I am is often too blurred to matter. Since my first semester at the university fell apart, the second and now the third bring nothing but dread. A lot of dread. I wish it were different, but there’s so many other…<\/p>\n