{"id":757,"date":"2007-10-01T01:17:00","date_gmt":"2007-10-01T05:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/wordpress\/autisticme\/?p=757"},"modified":"2023-11-26T16:34:57","modified_gmt":"2023-11-26T22:34:57","slug":"long-weekends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/2007\/10\/01\/long-weekends\/","title":{"rendered":"Long Weekends"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Some <a class=\"zem_slink\" title=\"Workweek and weekend\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Workweek_and_weekend\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener wikipedia\">weekends<\/a> are long, even when they technically aren&#8217;t that bad. They just seem to pass slowly, while I get nothing accomplished.<\/p>\n<p>We have a bathroom to finish. It&#8217;s tiled, almost. It is usable. But unfinished.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know why I am so exhausted by the weekends, but I am. It is <em><strong>playing normal<\/strong><\/em> <strong>drains me<\/strong>\u00a0that so much that I need to decompress and can\u2019t. I have to be normal around so many people lately, and I&#8217;m doing it so poorly, that I&#8217;m frustrated and exhausted.<\/p>\n<p>There are signs of the <a class=\"zem_slink\" title=\"Fatigue (medical)\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Fatigue_%28medical%29\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener wikipedia\">exhaustion<\/a> physically, too. I notice that as I type this, it is in sharp focus if I concentrate and stare, but the moment I relax even the slightest bit, the text blurs into a meaningless pattern of grey stripes on an off-white background. The situation with my back and shoulders is similar. If I focus, I can straighten and work past the pain, but the moment I relax, I slouch and feel the sharp needles that have been there all along.<\/p>\n<p>I should have worked on several school-related projects this weekend, but was too tired to think clearly. I have the following tasks staring down at me:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Updating a Web site on computer security<\/li>\n<li>Developing a series of class units on &#8220;<a class=\"zem_slink\" title=\"Golden Age of Radio\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Golden_Age_of_Radio\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener wikipedia\">old time radio<\/a>&#8221; programs<\/li>\n<li>Completing a write-up of a survey I conducted this summer<\/li>\n<li>Compiling a bibliography for a writing course<\/li>\n<li>Memorizing terminology for a statistics course<\/li>\n<li>Updating my <a class=\"zem_slink\" title=\"Website\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Website\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener wikipedia\">Web sites<\/a> on writing and philosophy<\/li>\n<li>Finishing a draft of my autobiography<br \/>\nand on and on the list goes&#8230;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Of course, those are only the school tasks. The house has much to be done, especially if I want to be more comfortable. I can&#8217;t even do a partial list online without consuming several pages. I keep thinking of new things every time I look about the house.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s fair to say that I feel overwhelmed lately. Physically, things hurt \u2014 a lot \u2014 and that is not helping my clarity at all.<\/p>\n<p>Without my wife, I wouldn&#8217;t have managed to get anything done this weekend, yet again. She&#8217;s that person who helps too much at times, which makes me feel guilty, but it also reminds me that I can and should sit down and get my act together. Why I lack internal motivation has never been clear to me. There&#8217;s very little I want, other than a place to sit and write and read non-fiction. I&#8217;m not driven enough, and I know it. But she is my drive. I&#8217;m writing this long, rambling post with the list of to-do items staring back at me on the screen. I know reminding myself to tick off items for her, for the person to whom I owe everything, will get me working again&#8230; past the pain, past the input overloads, past the self-doubts.<\/p>\n<p>But I wish I didn&#8217;t lose weekends to the exhaustion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Some weekends are long, even when they technically aren&#8217;t that bad. They just seem to pass slowly, while I get nothing accomplished. We have a bathroom to finish. It&#8217;s tiled, almost. It is usable. But unfinished. I don\u2019t know why I am so exhausted by the weekends, but I am.&#8230;<\/p>\n<div class=\"more-link-wrapper\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/2007\/10\/01\/long-weekends\/\">Continue Reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Long Weekends<\/span> <i class=\"fas fa-angle-right\"><\/i><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":4014,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"iawp_total_views":11,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7,11,13],"tags":[268,357,468,498,513,678],"class_list":["post-757","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","category-relationships","category-writing","tag-exhaustion","tag-house","tag-minnesota","tag-normalcy","tag-pain","tag-stress","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/5\/2023\/12\/Podcast-HD-1920x1080-comp-scaled.jpg?fit=2560%2C1440&ssl=1","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pfivLC-cd","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/757","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=757"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/757\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3931,"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/757\/revisions\/3931"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4014"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=757"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=757"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=757"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}