{"id":769,"date":"2007-12-01T20:31:00","date_gmt":"2007-12-02T01:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/wordpress\/autisticme\/?p=769"},"modified":"2023-11-26T16:34:57","modified_gmt":"2023-11-26T22:34:57","slug":"midterm-gone-bad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/2007\/12\/01\/midterm-gone-bad\/","title":{"rendered":"Midterm Gone Bad"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>November 29, 2007, was a lousy day. I did poorly, very poorly, on an exam in statistics. The damage to <a class=\"zem_slink\" title=\"Self-esteem\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Self-esteem\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener wikipedia\">self-esteem<\/a> was fairly deep. I&#8217;m not supposed to do poorly on any test, in any class.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ve seldom done well with <a class=\"zem_slink\" title=\"Writing\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Writing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener wikipedia\">written<\/a> tests \u2014 <strong>it is painful to write for any length of time<\/strong>. As an undergraduate, I would write as much as I could before my hand and arm were too sore to continue. The alternative, and equally unsuccessful approach, was to write slowly. Either approach resulted in an incomplete test.<\/p>\n<p>I was sure <a class=\"zem_slink\" title=\"Graduate school\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Graduate_school\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener wikipedia\">graduate school<\/a> would be different. First, most classes don&#8217;t have tests! This is a great thing, since papers and <a class=\"zem_slink\" title=\"Research\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Research\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener wikipedia\">research projects<\/a> seem a lot more meaningful. In my opinion, <strong>a timed test is more a test of dexterity than knowledge<\/strong>. The notion is that if a student knows the material well, he or she can quickly write answers or do the necessary calculations. What if you know the material but can&#8217;t write? Timed tests prove nothing at all. My fear of tests has nothing to do with <a class=\"zem_slink\" title=\"Test anxiety\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Test_anxiety\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener wikipedia\">test anxiety<\/a>, but the fear of being unable to write quickly enough leads to anxiety. How many jobs depend on writing quickly on paper with a pen or pencil? Why teachers think speed matters escapes me. I can appreciate a two-week deadline for a paper, but an hour to write all about a particular reading, event, theory, et cetera, is absurd.<\/p>\n<p>I thought I knew the materials well enough that I could answer questions quickly enough to do okay. And yet, on the day of the test, <strong>I didn&#8217;t even complete half the required questions<\/strong>. Here I am, in a graduate-level statistics course, unable to answer the questions in the allotted time. A topic I know, and one I should excel in when compared to &#8220;theory&#8221; courses, is proving difficult because of the tests!<\/p>\n<p>Writing more than a line or two is always a task, and yet my journals are handwritten. I place an odd value on pen and paper, I admit. Anything that requires care and effort must be valuable.<\/p>\n<p>At the moment, though, I despise how I write. I hate the pain, the discomfort, and the sensory challenges of writing. Letters need to be &#8220;just right&#8221; on the page, the right pen, the right paper, and the words themselves need to be right. <strong>My hand shakes, though, with my muscles twitching<\/strong>. Perfection is impossible, leading to yet more stress under pressure.<\/p>\n<p>My grades shouldn&#8217;t matter so much, since no one will care if I receive a single &#8220;B&#8221; mark as a graduate students. But my grades do matter to me. I want to be perfect, though I know I am not.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t ask for extra time, or alternative testing accommodations. Life doesn&#8217;t make accommodations, even if schools do. I want to be the best following the same rules as everyone else. Admitting I need more time or different accommodations would be admitting that I cannot compete.<\/p>\n<p>Having done poorly on this one test, I will have to do better on the final. I can still receive an &#8220;A&#8221; in the course and I plan to do all I can to earn that grade.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I am not going to let myself be dragged down by my hand, my arm, my eyes, or anything else that is &#8220;me&#8221; \u2014 I am stronger than my body, or even my mind<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>But, I\u2019m still annoyed with myself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>November 29, 2007, was a lousy day. I did poorly, very poorly, on an exam in statistics. The damage to self-esteem was fairly deep. I&#8217;m not supposed to do poorly on any test, in any class. I&#8217;ve seldom done well with written tests \u2014 it is painful to write for&#8230;<\/p>\n<div class=\"more-link-wrapper\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/2007\/12\/01\/midterm-gone-bad\/\">Continue Reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Midterm Gone Bad<\/span> <i class=\"fas fa-angle-right\"><\/i><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":4014,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"iawp_total_views":22,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2,4,13],"tags":[54,264,468,513,516,519,673,764,781],"class_list":["post-769","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-accessibility","category-education","category-writing","tag-anxiety","tag-exams","tag-minnesota","tag-pain","tag-palsy","tag-paralysis","tag-statistics","tag-weather","tag-writing","entry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Midterm Gone Bad - The Autistic Me<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tameri.com\/autisticme\/2007\/12\/01\/midterm-gone-bad\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Midterm Gone Bad - The Autistic Me\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"November 29, 2007, was a lousy day. 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