\u201cHow do you deal with parenthood?\u201d<\/p>\n
I understand the question. Children are everything my autistic traits dislike: chaos, noise, arguments, dirt, smells, and much more. There\u2019s one stressor after another.<\/p>\n
Every night I reflect on what I did wrong that particular day. There\u2019s an endless sense that I could and should do better. That I\u00a0must do better<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0<\/em>for our foster daughters. I must be a much better person than I am, too. My many flaws need to be corrected, and I realize that.<\/p>\n If only more parents realized their own flaws<\/strong>\u2026 and tried to improve<\/b>.<\/p>\n Consider that my autistic needs help our daughters in some ways:<\/p>\n There are ways in which my autistic traits hinder parenting, definitely.<\/p>\n And then, we go out in public and I observe other parents. This weekend, I observed parents at a state beach doing all of the following, which we see in other spaces, too:<\/p>\n There were other behaviors I found upsetting, but the physical punishment and name calling stood out to me. Calling someone \u201cretarded\u201d is always inexcusable. There\u2019s never an acceptable time for such behaviors.<\/p>\n I admit, I\u2019ve told our oldest daughter to use her brain and not be stupid. That\u2019s not good parenting and I\u2019m trying to stop those instinctive moments. When I do make such a mistake, I quickly remind her that I know she\u2019s smart and able to solve problems, but I was disappointed in her actions. Still, not perfect and I know I\u2019ll always ask \u201cWhy did you do that?<\/strong>\u201d of both girls when they make some mistakes.<\/p>\n Never, never, never would I tell our girls that they are ugly. That\u2019s unbelievably cruel. How can any parent say that to a child? All children are beautiful. It\u2019s adults who become ugly after a life of bad choices and hate.<\/p>\n Telling a child, \u201cYou can\u2019t be mine!\u201d upsets me in ways I cannot put into clear words. We are foster parents. The girls are \u201cours\u201d and they always will be, no matter what happens to them in the future. They are family. Always and forever. To reject a child is beyond hurtful. It tells the child you\u2019d rather not be his or her parent. How can someone think that way?<\/p>\n No, autistic parenting isn\u2019t easy. I\u2019m not the perfect parent and I relive every mistake I\u2019ve made over the last few years. I worry that I\u2019ve harmed the girls in some way, psychologically, by not being a smiling, happy, always forgiving father figure.<\/p>\n At least I try and I try to be better each day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cHow do you deal with parenthood?\u201d I understand the question. Children are everything my autistic traits dislike: chaos, noise, arguments, dirt, smells, and much more. There\u2019s one stressor after another. Every night I reflect on what I did wrong that particular day. There\u2019s an endless sense that I could and…<\/p>\n\n
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