Last updated on November 26, 2023
It’s not fair to Anne, but I am tired of working with her. That exhaustion makes me feel guilty. When I get frustrated with her academic struggles, I need to remind myself that she’s trying her best. The ADHD, dyslexia, and working memory deficiency don’t merely add up to a little extra effort; they multiply exponentially.
Over a weekend she can forget the previous week’s skills. That’s why we have several “Daily Practice” workbooks from Evan-Moor. Four or five daily review questions in language and math reinforce past lessons. We review materials constantly, trying to lock the concepts, knowledge, and skills for Anne.
Homeschooling Anne goes from 8:30 a.m. in the morning right up through bed time, with breaks for lunch, snack, and dinner. Since I wake up at 5:30 a.m. to get Leigh ready for school, the days are long and exhausting.
This isn’t the best situation. In an ideal world, Anne would have a few lesson, a little work, and be done by noon. Homeschooling should offer her free time for play and discovery. We’d have time for art and music, too.
Unfortunately, Anne can take all day for just three sheets, or six pages, of schoolwork. She resists writing assignments most. This includes any work asking her to write original sentences. She will recycle a template to avoid trying to create a new response. For several weeks she was given writing prompts with various animals. Her sentences were “The (fox / bear / fish) has to (eat / hide) or it will die.” I’m not exaggerating. Susan and I read at least a dozen such sentences.
She is back home because she wasn’t ready for third grade academically or socially. We received a call on the first day of school, right after lunch, asking if she had trouble sitting, working, and following directions. Anne does what Anne wants, and she will not do what she doesn’t want.
Given the pedagogical approaches of the third-grade teachers, the lack of essential supports, and Anne’s needs, we had to promptly return to homeschooling.
There’s no good defense for how we teach lower-elementary students. We shouldn’t be grading them and we certainly shouldn’t be expecting them to behave like little adults. After two years of COVID-19 disruptions, the post-pandemic classroom should be a lot more about nurturing and reassuring young students.
It is disheartening that special education supports are more difficult to obtain than they were before the pandemic. Revising Anne’s IEP was going to take months. The school district lacks evaluators, school psychologists, and paraprofessionals. That’s true nationwide. What were staffing shortages before the pandemic are now staffing emergencies.
With Anne home for yet another year, we are again relying on a mix of workbooks, activity guides, and online resources. I still refer to the state standards each Sunday as I prepare for the week ahead. Homeschooling requires the same planning as teaching in a classroom.
We control the pace of learning new materials and we can constantly review past materials. Anne needs to progress at her speed, not the mean or median speed of 20 to 30 third-grade students. We move with her, not against her.
Technology helps, a little. Using IXL, Adventure Academy, and Khan Academy allows us to assess Anne (and Leigh) objectively. However, Anne cannot be trusted to do anything on a computer without being closely monitored. Trust me, leaving her alone in a room with a computer is a bad idea. She will find a way around whatever security there might be.
It would be great to have both girls back on campus at the elementary school. However, we’re also glad that we can continue to provide the learning experiences that Anne needs to be successful.
Homeschooling Anne also allows me to handle the medical appointments for both girls during the week. With medical appointments and after-school activities, our calendars are packed with non-stop activity.
Ideally, Anne will return to campus next year, ready to thrive alongside her classmates.
I tell myself I cannot resent a choice we made. We have chosen to have Anne at home. I have chosen to be her teacher for yet another year. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could leave her alone for even a few minutes every hour or two. If I do try to work, she does nothing or she does something not related to schoolwork.
During the summer, I was certain that I’d be employed outside the house this school year. I’d be working on websites, writing documents, editing media, or teaching at a college. I’d be earning some money, which would help the household.
I cannot write, program, or edit media during the day. Nope. I’m sitting at a little round table day after day, trying to keep Anne focused enough to fall only a half-grade behind peers this year.
Every day I worry about Anne’s future. My anxiety about what’s ahead doesn’t fade. What if I cannot get her ready for a return to campus? What if she’s never able to perform well enough in a classroom? Am I going to fail her as a parent and teacher?
Susan’s exhausted, too. We’re both doing as much as we can. Susan relieves me on weekends so I can try to update this blog, edit podcasts, and work on other projects. For the last year, I’ve also used weekends to prepare job applications, if only to convince myself that I might someday contribute to the household.
Anne and Leigh mean the world to me. I just have to reset occasionally and remind myself that I am helping the household by teaching Anne. While I’m teaching Anne, Susan can work. When I handle the various medical appointments, Susan doesn’t have to use any paid time off. What I do for Anne is helping the family.
School is at least six days a week for Anne, though I try to limit the weekend review. As I explained, she forgets too much if we skip the school review entirely for two days. We try to review materials in the car, while taking walks, and while playing. No matter how you disguise it, school review is school review.
There’s no balance between “parenting time” and “personal time” in our situation. There aren’t even a few hours a day when we don’t have one or both girls with us. Girl Scouts? I have one daughter while Susan is the active scout leader for each troop. Swimming? The YMCA requires that a parent be present at the pool. Music lessons? Again, you have to be nearby for the 45 minutes.
We don’t live near family and we don’t have a nanny or au pair. It’s us, all the time.
I know I’m neglecting the blogs and podcast. I know I’m not doing enough to build a freelance business. I am giving all I can to being a good father. That’s nearly all the energy I have.