School and Stress

Last updated on November 26, 2023

At the start of every semester, I suffer from extreme anxiety. I dislike learning how new classes will function. I also have a general distaste for classes that seem to repeat the same basic themes and topics. As a graduate student in any given field, the primary figures in the field and the major works are mention again and again and again. I’m tired of hearing the same basic notions.

It is hard for me to remain on task when I am so bored. The problem with being bored is that I end up either working on other projects during class or I end up speaking up and giving my opinions too often.

Like so many ASD individuals, I feel like I want to rush the courses along. Tell me something exciting to me. Interest me. Instead, I had a professor talking about writing paragraphs tonight. I’m nearly 40 years old. I know the “composition” paragraph style calls for a topic, some supporting data, and a conclusion. Yes, I get it. And I still think it is stupid. That’s why most people think academics are full of BS.

I wanted to study rhetoric, primarily visual and digital media. Instead, I seem to be studying academic writing… a topic I never want to teach or research. I have considered changing degree programs just to ensure I’m able to pursue media, not how to write five-paragraph essays or business memos.

There’s little question that I would learn more sitting at home with my books. The impulse to walk out of a class and return to my comfortable books is very strong. I hate wasting my time.