End of Semester Reflections

Last updated on November 26, 2023

For the last few months I haven’t had much time for blogging, or even quiet reflection on life. This was an overwhelming semester, and I am surprised that I managed to function through the last 16 weeks without total collapse. Partial collapse has followed, though.

This semester was too much. I love teaching, and I enjoy most students, but there was a lot happening with an in-class conflict among some students. A complication with teaching (and many other professions) is that you cannot discuss the things that aren’t going well when privacy issues are involved.

As a generality though, when a student has issues it does interfere with the other students in a course. You might want to help a student with challenges, but the student also has to want a positive resolution. The college experience is tough enough, but when a student needs help and doesn’t seek it…. I’m just sad. It’s depressing to watch a student harm the academic experiences of other young people. Even supportive deans and colleagues can only do so much.

Some of my colleagues don’t understand (and cannot be fully informed) of the student situation. What I’ve learned about the path of destruction a student can leave in other courses astounds me.

While enduring the difficult teaching experience, I worried a lot about my wife. My wife is well, but she had plenty of medical exams and tests. It is true that you worry more about loved ones than yourself.

Teaching an overload schedule, with a new course and course I was refining, meant endless hours preparing materials and grading papers, even with teaching assistants and my wife helping. The hardest part was teaching three classes back-to-back, three days a week. It takes a toll on the voice and the mind. I had four total courses, trying to build a safety-net for my family.

High school teachers manage. I admire them, with the work they do every day. Universities are different, though, so I believe the work evens out. Teaching is tiring at all grade levels.

I managed a few autism-related appearances and continued to work with a local nonprofit organization. I did my best to remain active while teaching. Still, I am not as active in the disability community as others might like. Readers of this blog know that I am not a non-stop activist.

What I needed was not more involvement or engagement, but less. I needed time to recharge and relax.

You must take care of yourself. Always. I made a calculated risk, trying to earn as much as I could knowing there would be a price. Sadly, the price might be higher than anticipated.

I’m not at my best. Both deans have told me few teachers ever have the sort of experience I’ve had. That’s only a little comfort. My visiting professorship will expire and I’ll need to decide: teach part-time again somewhere or pursue one of the other credentials that might open new doors.

When I am asked if my life is different or difficult because of my traits, I generally say life is complex, period. My coworkers are at least as busy as I am, and many have families and other obligations. My life is actually pretty routine. I teach, I grade, I write a bit, and I dream of having more time for hobbies.

No more semesters like this. A few too many surprises. I want change again, but I’m uncertain what that change should be. Ideally, more time alone to create and to learn in peace.

I want to be a tenure-track professor. I also realize that one disruption in my class, one student incident, has reminded me that we don’t have complete control over the classrooms in which we teach.

There’s a gnawing sense that universities could do more to help students with challenges of all types. I do not know what more my institution could have or should have done. And I know at least one other instructor had a similar experience with the same student and also paid a long-term price.

I’m not teaching during the summer and would likely avoid overload schedules in the future. When there is a problem, you need the available time and energy to address the problem and its ripples.

What I can tell myself is that I did my best for every student, especially those harmed by a peer’s poor choices. Teaching evaluations seem to bear out that dedication, thankfully. It takes a lot of energy to be positive in class with turmoil outside the class.