Podcast Episode 001 – Pilot and Introduction

Last updated on November 26, 2023

Podcast 0001; Season 01, Episode 01; April 3, 2018

Transcript (lightly edited)

Welcome to The Autistic Me Podcast.

I’m Christopher Scott Wyatt.

The Autistic Me Podcast complements and extends the existing Autistic Me blog. When I started the blog in 2007, the online format reached a wide audience and was the best platform at that time. Today, podcasts and video streaming dominate content delivery and it is time I caught up with my audience.

The Autistic Me blog has never been about me. The concept was to use my experiences and opinions to start conversations. With the podcast, the “me” of the title will often be the guest. I am seeking autistic guests who challenge the popular narratives and conceptions of autism.

My purpose for the podcast is to feature autistic individuals speaking about their experiences and their identities — including and beyond autism. We will also speak to family members, support providers, experts, and others interested in joining an autistic-centered conversation. With the podcast’s focus on our voices, our experiences, and our identities as individuals, I want the guest appearances to reflect this ambition.

Topics will address the needs of all autistics, not only those appearing as guests. We must discuss autistics of all ages and all abilities. The series will seek to bridge differences within the autism community through discussion, without confrontation.

Nobody would enjoy listening to me ramble on about a topic by myself week after week. To succeed and develop a following, The Autistic Me Podcast needs guests.

Are you an autistic individual who wants to share a story?

Are you a partner of an autistic individual who has dealt with the challenges of maintaining a relationship? Maybe you both would share your insights on relationships with a podcast audience.

Are you the child of an autistic parent? These are stories rarely shared, and important to hear. Many autistics are the children or grandchildren of autistics.

Are you a support provider or another expert?

There are many stories that appear during each Autism Awareness month. There are narratives about autism and autistic individuals that present only partial truths about us. Media portrayals range from the burdened parent struggling to care for an autistic child to the autistic savant able to magically solve difficult puzzles.

There are stereotypes even within the autism community. Leading figures including Temple Grandin have suggested autistics are best suited to careers in the sciences and mathematics. Books by autistics with special talents in science, technology, engineering, and math reinforce these stereotypes.

Yes, occasionally, an autistic artist is presented as yet another stereotype.

We are not all quirky scientists or musical prodigies. We are as diverse as the rest of the human population and that is something The Autistic Me should reflect.

If you aren’t familiar with The Autistic Me blog, it can be found at: http://www.tameri.com/autisticme/

I started the blog in 2007 while working towards my doctoral degree at the University of Minnesota.

From the beginning, I was ambivalent about the blog’s name. Unlike many individuals compelled into self-advocacy by circumstances, I remain uncomfortable with the autistic label. I don’t embrace autistic pride or autistic advocacy with enthusiasm. But, the professor of a digital writing course suggested the blog name and once it was typed into the registration forms, The Autistic Me was there on Blogger to stay.

After completing the digital writing course, I continued to maintain the blog with my wife’s assistance. After a decade on Blogger, we recently migrated The Autistic Me to our personal server using WordPress. And now, we’re adding the podcast.

Like many people diagnosed later in adulthood, I carry the baggage of earlier understandings of autism. In my mind, autism was either the rocking mute or the mumbling savant. The label could not possibly apply to me. After all, I had college degrees and was married. The autism spectrum seemed like a few people seeking an explanation for their social awkwardness.

My need for proven science and clear definitions conflicts with the psychiatric approach to applying the autistic label. If you are going to diagnose somebody with a condition, there should be solid, irrefutable evidence of the condition. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual used by mental health professionals relies on observed traits and behaviors to label someone autistic. There are known causes for some conditions once grouped with autism, such as Fragile X or Rett Syndrome.

I am what you might call a reluctant autistic. I have had other labels and there could be more ahead. The labels have never made me feel better about the traits that appear in checklists of diagnostic criteria.

The autism diagnosis was the result of a detailed screening process conducted over a three-week period in 2006. There were lots of tests and questions and general observations. Excerpts from the evaluation have been posted to The Autistic Me blog.

The checklist for autism in the revised DSM-IV was disappointingly familiar to my wife and me. We recognized the traits, even as I argued with the neuro-psychologist. Despite my protests, there wasn’t much doubt something was always different about me.

Before 2006, I had been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, mild dyslexia, colorblindness, and brain trauma, among other things.

All I wanted to do when I sought help in the 1990s was fix myself. Sensory overload, self-injurious behaviors, migraines, seizures… these were all destroying any chance I had to have a normal life.

I’ve been on anti-seizure medications, anti-depressants, and various medications for ADHD. Nothing solved the problems and some treatments made me feel much worse. The anti-depressants made me suicidal — which was definitely unacceptable. The experience gave me a new appreciation for what depression really is, and I never want to feel like that again.

My anger, frustration, and general self-loathing nearly destroyed my relationship with my wife. Technically, it did, since shortly after we married the first time, I filed for divorce and told her to find someone better than me. We remarried a few years later. I still know that she deserves better than someone with my challenges.

The backstory goes way back — to my birth. I was a Franklin Breach birth and there were many complications. Some of the problems were known immediately, such as damage to my right arm. Other problems took years to appear and be diagnosed, yet are still attributed to birth trauma.

Doctors have explained to my wife and me that there is neurological evidence associated with autism and other potential conditions based on brain scans. Some evidence of neurological impairment is impossible to ignore with age.

My right arm trembles from birth trauma, but I usually control and hide the problem. I have a brachial-plexus injury, known as Erb-Duchenne Palsy, but over time both arms and legs have had palsy episodes. The palsy and scoliosis have exacerbated severe back pain because I walk with an odd gait.

My hearing is extremely sensitive, yet I often translate speech incorrectly. My vision was good, but I experience color shifts and sudden bursts of color that accompany mood changes. Migraines exacerbate my hearing and vision problems.

My body does not regulate its temperature well, for example. My body temperature ranges from 95.6 to 97.1, well below normal. I feel like I’m melting from the inside many days. My wife and I joke about my hot flashes, but it isn’t funny when you have a job interview and are dripping sweat in a cold room.

The Autistic Me has never slept well. I hear too many sounds at night. Even a distant train, operating miles away, wakes me. I hate storms because, unlike my wife, I do not sleep through rain or wind and especially not thunder and lightning. The Autistic Me hides under covers, like a mummy, trying to block all the input at night. I sleep better in the day because with so much noise I can ignore the inputs.

The Autistic Me hates certain textures, smells, and sounds. I get headaches from some perfumes and even the odors of some foods. Riding public transit is a challenge because it has the qualities of a public space plus the sounds and motion of a train or bus.

The Autistic Me cannot remember faces well. I use photo sheets of students when I teach because I finally master names just as a semester ends. Sometimes, if a student changes his or her look significantly, I have to add notes to the photo.

The challenge is that the autistic me is hidden from most of the world. I can manage several hours at a time, most days, appearing relatively normal — if a bit quirky or odd.

Being academically gifted helped hide the autistic me. Geeks are allowed to be weird and socially awkward. Saying the wrong things, thinking in black-and-white, struggling with social interactions, these are all just part of being smart, supposedly. After all, Asperger’s Syndrome was called the Geek Disorder for many years.

But, I’m not merely an awkward geek. It is much deeper than being odd.

In my experience, autism is not a superpower. It is not a gift. It is the label used to describe all the things I dislike about myself. It is one of the reasons I have struggled to develop a career or maintain friendships. Autism is the label I associate with feeling alone and isolated.

Writing about The Autistic Me has connected me to some interesting people in the autism community. But, I still feel isolated most of the time.

What the blog and podcast really represent is an attempt to better understand myself in relation to the world. Maybe reading and hearing about the mistakes I’ve made and the challenges I’ve encountered can help someone else.

Again, I welcome you to The Autistic Me Podcast.

Every episode will be distributed through the major podcasting platforms, including Apple and Google apps. If you have a favorite podcast website or app, please let us know so we can submit The Autistic Me for consideration.

Shows are hosted on Liberated Syndication and distributed via an RSS feed. We will make every reasonable effort to reach potential listeners.

The podcast conversations will be transcribed and posted to The Autistic Me blog to ensure accessibility. In my experience, some light editing of transcripts provides better accommodation for readers than does a perfect reflection of the words spoken. Therefore, the transcripts will omit some repeated words and fix minor grammatical issues for the sake of clarity. Before everything was recorded, newspapers edited speakers lightly. It is a practice some online publications are now adopting after years of verbatim transcription.

Most episodes with guests will run 15 to 20 minutes. If a conversation merits more time, it will be distributed as multiple short episodes to better meet the needs of listeners and readers.

Before signing off, I’d like to acknowledge that The Autistic Me is a team effort. My wife Susan contributes a lot of time, energy, and resources to support the blog and, now, the podcast. We appreciate the loyalty of our readers and followers.

Join our community on Facebook by searching for “The Autistic Me” or use Facebook.com/autisticme — all one word. Our Twitter account is also AT autistic me.

This has been Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me.

The Autistic Me on Social Media

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