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I Know The Autistic Me Makes People Anxious, Lived Research

Last updated on November 26, 2023

People are uncomfortable around me. I know that since I was in kindergarten or first grade. Research suggesting people form impressions of autistics within half a second doesn’t surprise me.

I’m going to prepare a podcast on this topic, because I’m realizing the pandemic has somewhat freed me from trying to deal with people too often. In 2018, I posted my thoughts on the research, Autistics Make Others Uncomfortable, Instantly. I am conflicted by the pandemic experience and my overall mental health improvement not having to face the anxiety I cause other people.

When I teach public speaking or business communication courses, I present research to students on how quickly first impressions occur. Within a half second, 500 milliseconds, we evaluate another person. Strangers shown a photo of an office or dorm make inferences surprisingly well (2002). Humans are fast to judge, probably an evolutionary advantage. Pop psychology aside, autistics often “fail” these quick judgements.

Autistics aren’t “easy to read” for other people. Any number of theories have tried to explain why this is. I’m not sure the explanations matter. The simple truth is, the social signals we transmit are decoded quite differently by others.

We make negative first impressions and those impressions matter to success.

I’ve been told I seem “fake” when I’m actually saying and expressing exactly what I’m thinking and feeling. I’ve been told I need to smile more. I’m too intense. Too passionate. Too serious. My tone is angry. I’m unhappy. The list of negative adjectives is lengthy.

Of course, being told not be so angry, so on edge, so intense… I end up trying to explain that I’m fine. I’m not angry. I’m not unhappy. But, the perceptions of others eventually lead me to realize I’m isolated. The end result is that I start to avoid people.

Teaching online and freelancing from home turn out to be ideal working environments.

If I could stay home and only interact with people via email and text messages, that might help my professional development. I’ve wondered if I’d have a career, if not for my lack of social skills.

The anxiety I cause others will be a podcast topic in a few weeks. I know I’m not the only autistic painfully aware that other people cannot wait to have me exit a room, or they cannot wait to leave.

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