Last updated on November 26, 2023
We are all more than what observers believe us to be.
It’s been brought to my attention that The Autistic Me blog and podcast have been located and read by potential employers.
I am not The Autistic Me, and anyone assuming to know me from this blog alone — or any of my writings — likely has constructed a flimsy image of the complete me.
As I’ve written here many times, I am an autistic self-advocate, but autism doesn’t define me to the extent it does many other advocates. I don’t actively identify as autistic; I rarely volunteer any of my medical or neurological diagnoses. Activists who make any cause their lives’ work deserve a lot of credit, but I’m not one of those people.
Posting random, generic things about life wasn’t the reason I created this blog. It was a class assignment. This blog was started as an academic project. The Autistic Me blog’s focus since 2007 has been on my journey as a student and educator. Readers of this blog who don’t know my other works or don’t know me personally have a distorted view of me and my daily life.
Post after post has been about my difficulties as a student and aspiring teacher. That’s a result of the original purpose and the narrow audience to which I addressed The Autistic Me. Overwhelmingly, education dominates this blog, and if I’m honest that is because I perceived my audience (and potential speaking market) to be education-related.
Education matters to me, but teaching wasn’t my original career goal. That was writing. Teaching was my backup. I’ve blogged about the career path cycle — writing, programming, teaching, miscellaneous — and my attempts to end that cycle. Under- or unemployment wasn’t a goal.
The Autistic Me seems negative because I don’t post much positive, and I focused since 2007 on education and employment.
Forgive the rambling justification of the last dozen years. I wanted to offer some context for why this blog evolved as it did.
What matters to me, in something of value order:
- Being a better parent every day to our daughters.
- Being a good husband, partner, and friend to my wife.
- Making sure my parents are okay, though distance makes that difficult.
- Doing all I can for my in-laws, too, who love our children.
- Learning, constantly, especially with our daughters.
- Writing, programming, and otherwise creating new things.
- Maintaining the social connections I have.
Blogging about the children isn’t something I’m comfortable with, at least not in any detail. The girls are the most important people in my life, and the most important aspect of me is The Daddy Me. Being a parent means I keep active, keep learning, and keep teaching. We value experiences, so I do as much as I can with the girls.
My wife is just as important as the girls. When she’s had health issues, I have felt much worse than when I needed surgeries. She’s my best friend. She’s the primary provider in our house. She’s the better parent, in many ways, with routines and rules the girls need. Susan is a better person than I am and I have never felt worthy of her friendship or companionship.
Family is important, especially our parents — the girls’ grandparents. The girls need to know they are loved and wanted by the entire extended family. My sister does a lot for my parents. I feel horrible that we’re not closer. That’s one reason we moved to Texas; it is closer by air in an emergency. My in-laws have their other daughters nearby, too, back in our hometown. Still, I know my wife wants to help her parents, too.
Learning is next on my list because learning helps me be a better son, husband, and father. It also helps if a teacher likes to learn. The reason I enjoy teaching is because it leads to learning, if you’re a good teacher.
Creating has always been a part of my self-identity. Writer is the one label I embrace that isn’t connected to family. I care a lot more about being known as a writer than being a teacher, and that’s an admission that probably hurts my teaching interviews. Writing comes first, and teaching was a path that supports the writing. I write for myself, my daughters, and publication. I write to learn. I write because I am compelled to do so. To me, and some other scholars, programming is a specialized form of writing.
I believe other autistics might appreciate that “social connections” come last in this list. It’s hard for me to form connections and difficult to maintain those relationships.
The Autistic Me should evolve as a blog and podcast.
Our days are all about the girls. That’s how parenting works. I don’t spend nearly as much time thinking about me as this blog suggest. We moved for the girls (and our families). I stuck with teaching to be home when they are home, even when teaching hasn’t been the easiest or best career path. My wife is a Girl Scout troop leader for the girls. She takes them to swimming lessons and, soon, soccer again.
Before work, we are getting the girls off to school. After work, we’re delivering the girls to various activities. When the girls are home, we are reading, playing board games, and spending time outside. We’re all about improving their lives, making sure they have the best opportunities possible.
I don’t spend more than a few hours a week on autism issues. The Autistic Me isn’t busy with speaking gigs (though, please do contact me if you need an autistic speaker), training conferences, or other advocacy. I’m open to opportunities, but I’m not aggressively marketing myself as an expert on all things autism or the autistic experience.
Some self-advocates has asked me to be more active, to do more and seek more public exposure. Maybe I do have an obligation to be more engaged. I need to reflect on those requests from autistics who want me to be more of a mentor and leader.
I’m not sure what this blog will become. Let me know what you want to read and hear.