Last updated on November 26, 2023
Podcast 0012; Season 01, Episode 12; June 12, 2018
During the summer months, I need to ease off some of my workload to better manage time with family. After this podcast was recorded, I found that I did need to take a break from our littlest one’s pre-K graduation because I was overwhelmed by the sounds. Summer demands a lot of parents. For me, the constant socializing, traveling, and dealing with sensory overload associated with summer requires that I take time off so I can be my best as a parent.
Autistic Burnout and Summer Socializing
Transcript (lightly edited)
Hello, welcome to The Autistic Me podcast. I am Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me
In this episode, I wish to discuss the very real situation of autistic burnout and the consequences it can bring to an autistic individual.
Two weeks ago, I attended an academic conference and I am still recovering from the social drain that I experienced during that conference. Autistic burnout is the emotional and physical exhaustion resulting from the need to consciously analyze the tones and gestures and other social cues of other individuals while at the same time attempting to demonstrate or mimic proper tone, gestures, and social cues from myself.
The autistic individual is busy analyzing other people and plotting how he or she should respond correctly to those individuals. This constant need to be analyzing both others and the self is physically and emotionally draining.
Though this conference was two weeks ago, I find myself still struggling to recover physically and emotionally from the drains that were experienced during those three days. The conference required that I participate in a workshop and two panels. Admittedly, I submitted the paperwork for those and was pleased to be accepted for all three.
As an academic — or at least an aspiring academic — it is important to have academic conference appearances and academic publications. So, while I am trying to further my career, I’m also placing myself in the very situations that are most demanding for an autistic individual.
The academic conference was Computers and Writing. It is a small gathering of individuals interested in how technology influences and improves the writing experiences of students.
Computers and writing is a small social group, in many ways. People know each other, and they are familiar with each other’s works. This leads to the additional pressure of wanting to be perceived as both a colleague and an academic peer. One wants to say and do just the right things and you certainly want to meet the right people for any future opportunities. This would be emotionally draining for anyone, but it is particularly tiring for someone who must consciously evaluate every social interaction.
As an added twist to this conference, which was over the Memorial Day weekend, I decided to take my foster daughter. I wanted my foster daughter to have the opportunity to see our nation’s capital, so in the early mornings and in the evenings, we would tour the Washington DC area. This also meant that my foster daughter attended the workshop and panels in which I participated.
She was an ideal college student at the age of six, dragging along my computer and my gear and studiously sitting there taking notes in her little binder. She also managed to write some stories during the conference.
All of this was very demanding and in some ways I am thankful that I had a child with me to attract attention away from me.
One never knows how people might react to a child, but thankfully she was exceptional during the trip and people were very interested in her. I believe that [her presence] definitely gave me some breathing room where I could relax while people talk to my daughter.
We had a fantastic time in Washington DC, with a trolley tour and tours of the Museum of Natural History and the Smithsonian Air and Space museum. We also visited the Newseum, the nation’s capitol (the building, –ol, not –al), and the various monuments. This was a lot of walking in a very hot and humid environment, but she handled herself very well.
And, again, as I was unable to always anticipate proper reactions to people, I found that clerks, tour guides, and others were very responsive to her needs and that made my time a bit easier.
However, as I said, two weeks later I am still trying to recover from some of the emotional drain.
It is so difficult to act normal that the exhaustion [recovery] takes two or three times the length of the social interactions. If I’m interacting for two or three hours with people in a crowded environment, I might need an entire day to recover. A three-day conference requires at least a week and maybe more.
As a result of that recovery time, I fell behind with this podcast, with my blogging, and with other personal goals and tasks.
Autistic burnout is something that is poorly understood by many people who work with autistic individuals. In particular, I find that educators do not always understand how exhausting it is for the autistic student to engage in social situations. This includes in-class collaboration and other peer interactions that many of our pedagogies encourage. If I’m exhausted by just an hour of social events, I can only imagine what a young student experiences.
As I try to reflect on my own experiences, I find they were different because during the 1970s and 80s lecture was the preferred format, even for writing courses. Today, we embrace social pedagogies. We want our students to interact and to appreciate the diversity around them. However, the social environments are extremely draining for those with social anxiety, natural introverts, and people on the autism spectrum. I find that I fit into many of those categories.
I would rather be alone, so I’m certainly an introvert. And my autistic diagnosis fits with the challenges of social interaction.
Autistic burnout, taking me so long to recover, is a hindrance to advancing my career and advancing my writing.
I find that the key to advancing a career or as a freelance writer is social interaction, so unfortunately, I have to schedule recovery time even when I’m trying to just do a job and succeed at work. I apologize that I’m unable to perform well and on schedule.
In particular, I have found it difficult to maintain a balance between the social interactions required of parenthood and maintaining my blogs and podcasts.
Obviously, the conference was also draining. A confluence of events has left me very tired. I am trying to recover and get back on track. But I also understand that I need to take care of myself and that I may need to spend a few days sitting and reading quietly by myself. Even on those days when I do take time for myself, I am always a parent.
This means that I have to deal with driving children to and from events, to and from school, and our children do deserve those extracurricular activities like trips to museums, to the national parks, and other adventures that enrich their lives. I understand that this is something that I have chosen — and I would never give it up, not for anything in the world.
But I do need to schedule recovery time while they’re at school or at night.
For me recovery time includes reading or even coloring. I know it’s a bit of a cliché today to say that you enjoy adult coloring books, but they do help me. I also find that reading is always a way to relax. Reading has always been my great escape from stress and the exhaustion of social interactions. I have always turned to books as a way to relax my brain and my body.
I also have always found that stretching and sitting quietly help. Recently I have tried to do yoga with one of our foster daughters and I do find that it helps me as much as it helps her. It is even possible that it helps me more than it helps her.
I am going to try to get back on track. I will need to continue this podcast on something of an irregular basis for the next few weeks. I find that many podcasts switch to an irregular schedule or discontinue during the summer for a hiatus. I am hoping that a summer break from the weekly production schedule will give me a chance to recover and to do those things this summer that I wish to do with our children.
Summer is a very demanding time because the children are home and they do want those extra social interactions. I sometimes wonder if I’m going to be able to do everything that the children need because I find social spaces and social interactions so difficult. Will I be able to attend their concerts and their performances on stage? Will I be able to attend their soccer games or their gymnastics events? I don’t know.
What I do know is that I need to take care of myself to be around for them as much as possible. This Friday, our little four-year-old will be graduating from preschool. She has asked that I be there. I know that the preschool events are loud chaotic and leaves me exhausted, but I will be there. That also means that I need to set time aside for myself after the event, so I can recover.
If you have an autistic individual in your life, please consider how much energy we invest in trying to read other people and trying to present ourselves properly in social situations.
Autistic burnout takes a severe toll. The toll of autistic burnout can be serious. It leads to quitting jobs, quitting classes, and sometimes quitting social interactions.
I do not want to be judged as antisocial. I understand I will always be an introvert, but I want to balance that need to have alone time with the needs of the people around me.
Thank you for listening to The Autistic Me podcast. I am Christopher Scott Wyatt, and I look forward to our next meeting. Thank you.
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