Last updated on November 26, 2023
Podcast 0108; Season 7, Episode 1; 15 August 2023
As we start a new academic year and a new podcast season, I am trying to balance my health and my desire to be productive. At the end of every night, I complain that I haven’t done enough. I feel like I never complete enough tasks, that somebody else would be able to do more. If I can manage one new podcast a month, maybe two, that’s going to be an accomplishment.
Transcript
Welcome to Perspectives on Neurodiversity, a podcast dedicated to challenging myths and assumptions about Neurodiverse life. I am your host, Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me.
It’s back-to-school season again, which also marks a new season of this podcast. Unfortunately, the new school year might be the busiest our family has experienced. I anticipate challenges producing new podcast episodes on a regular schedule.
What little free time we will have might be on weekends, and I don’t wish to give up family weekends for anything else.
My impulse, whether from autism, ADHD, or something else, is to be productive. Yet, I constantly feel anxious because my to-do list grows faster than I complete the tasks. If I tell myself a podcast “must” be produced weekly, I feel horrible when that goal isn’t met. Therefore, I am aiming for monthly episodes of Perspective on Neurodiversity. I believe that a single episode per month is what I can reasonably produce in the time available.
I have watched as friends returned to working in offices and their children returned to school. Pre-pandemic habits returned, including working nights and weekends. Although I often work late into the night because I’m a night owl, I prioritize time with my wife and our daughters. Our weekends belong to us, not our employers.
Susan works full-time during the week as the lead of a technical communication team. For the last three and half years, Susan was able to focus on work while I managed the homeschooling and any transportation duties for the girls.
This school year, Susan will be juggling a lot. I do not want her to feel obligated to work at night or on weekends to make up time spent supporting the girls.
Anne and Leigh are attending charter schools twenty miles apart. Susan and I planned to split the taxi duties, one driving north and the other south. However, I’m teaching at a state university this year, and it’s located east of our house.
I’m teaching five university courses in the fall and at least four in the spring. At least two nights a week during the fall, I won’t be home before 8 o’clock. It’s likely that I’ll be teaching late three nights a week during the spring semester.
Leigh is on a swim team, with twice-weekly practices. She’s also enrolled in the School of Rock, with weekly band practices and individual lessons. Anne and Leigh are Girl Scouts, too; Susan leads meetings for both troops.
Many families manage complex schedules. We know several couples with more children and more complex daily routines. Neither of us is away for weeks or months at a time for work or military service, for example. And, thankfully, nobody in our household has extreme medical needs.
Our lives were simple during the pandemic and the recent school year. We didn’t mind being at home most days. We shopped online, using delivery, curbside pick-up, and drive-through services for essentials.
Life during the pandemic was less expensive, too. Our car only needed gas every two months. We used the SUV for errands, and it still traveled less than 500 miles some months. The girls didn’t need school clothes, and neither did I. Shorts and T-shirts were the household uniform. Shoes didn’t wear out, though the girls did outgrow several sizes.
This week, I drove nearly 600 miles, commuting to campus and running errands. That will likely be normal during school. Susan will drive at least 200 miles each school week. Thankfully, our vehicles average 30 miles per gallon.
Returning to school meant new clothes and school supplies. Anne wears a uniform to school. Leigh needed clothes, too. I needed lightweight slacks since I last purchased clothes when we lived in Pennsylvania.
School supplies cost more than they did only a few years ago. And then, there were technology expenses. Leigh’s charter school requires students to have laptop computers. We purchased a new MacBook Pro for me and she received my older model.
The expenses induce anxiety, which affects my productivity. I’ve also written and spoken about the stress of driving. The Texas speed limits of 70 to 80 miles per hour do not reduce my stress, either.
After hearing the last few minutes, you might ask why the girls and I are returning to “normal life” after the relative calm of homeschooling and staying at home.
Our weekdays will be filled with work, school, and enrichment activities because the girls and I need to move forward.
My lack of social skills and career struggles inform our approach to parenting. Though I want a more understanding and inclusive world for Anne and Leigh, the girls must develop social skills and self-regulation strategies superior to mine. Yes, academic success matters, but without a social network they will struggle as adults.
Anne and Leigh need to learn how to work alongside peers. They need to learn social skills, idiomatic language, and the illogical rules of interpersonal communication. Attending school might help the girls in ways Susan and I cannot. We can teach advanced academic knowledge and skills, but we cannot teach the nuances of social interactions.
The job hunt reminded me how my deficits leave me isolated. My autistic traits have interfered with my career development. My months on the job market were disheartening. I had some health emergencies in the spring that some potential employers failed to understand. The job hunt reminded me how poorly I communicate in “real-time” situations.
Anxious and pessimistic, I anticipate difficulties in my new teaching post. However, returning to full-time employment at a university presents an opportunity I cannot decline. This is an unexpected chance to prove to myself that I can hold a post for more than a couple of years. I have already submitted proposals for journal articles, book chapters, and conference presentations, too. I want to live up to what I imagined “Dr. Wyatt” would be.
I’m taking a different approach to this position than I did in previous jobs. What I learn from this experience might help my daughters.
Disclosing my Neurodiversity might help colleagues and students be more patient with and appreciative of my differences. I also intend to disclose my physical limitations so people don’t misunderstand any palsy episodes.
If disclosure and discussion help me, then I will encourage my daughters to disclose and explain their Neurodiversity.
An aspect of Neurodiversity is masking burnout. Trying to appear “neurotypical” for hours at a time, day after day, leaves Neurodiverse individuals emotionally and physically exhausted. We need time to recover from interactions and social spaces. Not giving myself time to recharge often leads to problems. I ask my podcast audience and blog readers to understand that if I tried to produce content weekly or even biweekly, I would be condemning myself to failure.
I’ll be commuting more than 90 minutes in each direction, depending on traffic. Once on campus, I’ll be teaching until 5 p.m. After a break to recover, I’ll be driving home. By the time I get home, I should not be trying to create anything that requires significant mental effort. To be a good parent and a decent university instructor, I must safeguard weekends from anything resembling work.
The Autistic Me has failed in the past because I didn’t respect my physical and emotional limits. That’s a poor example for my daughters.
Future episodes of Perspectives on Neurodiversity should address burnout, employment supports, social skills development, and other issues I have discussed.
Again, welcome to season seven of Perspectives on Neurodiversity. I hope you appreciated this preview of the busy school year ahead. I will do my best to release new podcast episodes in a timely manner, ideally twice each month.
Remember to subscribe to the podcast, and please leave a review if you find the discussions helpful.
Don’t forget to read The Autistic Me blog and follow my posts on social media. Look for “Autistic Me” as one word on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Links to The Autistic Me on social media are included in the show notes.
I am Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me. Thank you for listening.
The Autistic Me
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