Last updated on November 26, 2023
The year 2020 needs to be more relaxed, and that means adjusting my plans and goals. Now that I’m in my 50s, it doesn’t make much sense to keep chasing some goals that are unlikely. They might happen, but chasing them would be too emotionally and physically draining.
Parenting
Responsibility one continues to be parenting to the best of my abilities — and to keep improving those abilities. I want to be a better father each day, and though that’s unlikely I can continue to make steady (if uneven) progress.
The more expert advice I read, watch, and hear, the less confident I am of any choices my wife and I make. The experts contradict each other, too, which doesn’t help.
I spend as much time as possible with our daughters. I enjoy sitting outside while they ride their bikes, scooter, skateboard, and pedal-cart in the neighborhood.
The girls and I play board games, color, draw, and do a lot of STEM activities together. We’ve built robots, assembled a Raspberry Pi computer, and worked on programming skills. I like taking them to science museums, zoos, and county fairs.
My wife is a Daisies troop leader for Girl Scouts, helping our youngest’s first- and second-year scouts. She’s going to include a lot STEM, too — along with cookie sales.
We do our best to split the parenting duties. We’ve both traveled with the girls, and we’ve both had “solo parenting” duties when the other parent traveled for work. We want the girls to understand equality by experiencing it.
My wife walks the girls to the bus in the mornings and I’m often able to meet them at the bus in the afternoon.
When my high school kept asking teachers to work more and more beyond the contract hours, I finally said no. Getting home after dinner doesn’t work for our family. I want to be at home in the evenings and on weekends. I’m going to be there for our girls, period.
Goal: Do my best to relax and remain calm around the girls. Be a better role model by emphasizing family and experiences over working.
No job, no matter how much it pays, will take precedence over being Dad.
Employment
The careers I envisioned throughout the years didn’t happen, as readers know. Instead, like many people I know, I have hobbled together freelancing, adjunct teaching, one-year contracts, and self-employment efforts.
By the end of the first month teaching at a local high school, I knew I wasn’t going to renew my contract for 2020-21. Teachers put in a lot of hours, and that’s okay when it is for the students. I have always kept extra office hours for students and never regret the time I spend helping them.
I’m not interested in the bureaucratic workload that requires hours of non-teaching and non-prep time. Teaching information technology, the classroom has never had the necessary technology to teach the state content standards. Being asked to teach but not having the tools has left me (and many of my colleagues) demoralized. You cannot teach computer programming, database management, media production, and web design without computer hardware and software.
To continue in K12, I would need to locate a post in a district that invests in the tools needed for each topic taught. Few subjects can be taught without some materials. I might be able to teach some math, history, or writing courses with minimal supplies, but you can’t teach art, music, science, and most vocational courses without materials and hands-on experiences.
The right employer is important, regardless of your profession. The better K12 schools have few openings, understandably. That’s why so many teachers new to the profession or a state end up in struggling districts with high turnover.
I accept that I am likely to teach part-time for a college or university in 2020-21.
If I do locate a full-time, permanent post in higher education, it will be by luck — I’ve made every realistic effort to submit dozens of applications every search season since 2010. I’ve taught full-time at three institutions with one-year contracts, which pretty much sums up the state of colleges and universities. I’ve attended conferences, presented a lot of papers, published book chapters, and even co-edited an academic collection. But, the reality is, there are too many Ph.Ds on the market for too few jobs.
The reality of my autistic traits is that they don’t help the employment outlook either.
Yes, I’m obsessing on the job situation because each new job offers hope, followed by disappointment. That is why I need to stop investing too much in my career when parenting and family are more important.
Goal: Accept only a good job for 2020-21 meaning a job that respects work-life balance. Don’t accept a job that isn’t at least good. Learn to say “No” to “opportunities” more often.
I’d be content teaching full-time at a college, without tenure, and maybe that could still happen. Not closing the door to teaching, but not chasing the career.
Healthy Choices
The work situation took a quick toll on my health. If a job contributes to poor health, it’s not a job worth keeping long-term. It’s not about just being unhappy and stressed. Does the job allow and even encourage you to take good care of your physical and emotional health?
As a diet-controlled diabetic, I need to space my meals consistently. The high school is on rotating lunch, so the lunch break rotates by an hour. That’s not a good routine for me. I need to exercise every hour or two, as well, to maintain a consistent glucose level. I ride my exercise bike twice a day, whenever possible, too. Working late and having an early lunch some days plays havoc with blood glucose levels.
Add in my myriad other health concerns and something has to change for 2020-21.
Right now, I have a strained MCL, high blood sugar, migraines, and my palsy is acting up under stress.
Goal: Work reasonable hours. Eat on a regular schedule. Sleep seven hours. Exercise daily. Remember, being healthy is a choice, not passively accepting situations.
It’s easy to get caught up in work and unhealthy routines. Every day, you need to remind yourself that no amount of money or pride in a job is worth months or years of your life.
Write, Code, Learn
My ambition each year is to write, program, and keep learning. I always imagine I’ll finish a book project, or script, or something else. I set the same goal and fall short in most years. As an undergraduate, 30 years ago, I dreamed of publishing a best-seller, writing an award-winning play, and so much more. Ambitions don’t make for creativity.
Goal: Just write, code, and learn. Whatever gets finished, gets finished. Learning is the important result.
Our daughters love to read, and the oldest loves to write and create art. I don’t want her to stop being an artist, even if that’s not her career. Actually, I’d rather she had a secure career to support being an artist in her own time.
“Giving up” on ambition is more than self-preservation. I want my daughters to realize that doing your best work is what matters, not doing it for accolades or money.
2021 will Arrive
This year will pass. There will be a 2021, 2022, and so on. Each year goes by and the best way to use that time is with friends and family. If you love your job and are surrounded by friends, even better.
Overall, 2019 was a good year, even with some bumps. If the only serious bump in 2020 is looking for a new job that allows me to be the parent I want to be, that’s a pretty minor challenge. If I end up freelancing, self-employed, and adjunct teaching again… that seems to be what I do.
No more chasing ambitions. Focus on family and me.