Last updated on November 26, 2023
When I went off to graduate school in 2004, it was because I couldn’t stop chasing the dream of teaching. After the master’s degree, I chased the doctorate, trying to improve my chances at that elusive higher-education job. And then, the master of fine arts in 2017, capping a 13-year chase that cost a lot of time and money but did not lead to a tenured post as a professor anywhere.
I love writing and technology, and I always wanted to combine those in some way. That’s why I ended up attending the Computers & Writing conferences and published papers in their proceedings.
There was one job that was tenure-track, but it ended badly — as most of my jobs do. (Bully magnet, I end up with some aggressive, pushy supervisors who then discard me after I work on projects.) Another had some potential to last for many years as an adjunct, that “almost-but-not-quite” status so many occupy in higher education. The last teaching post, as a full-time lecturer, might have been a good job — it was, really – but I didn’t realize it was okay… and I didn’t want to teach English Composition for years.
Recognizing I wanted a full-time job with benefits and more, I decided to leave post-secondary education and try a return to K12. There is a need and the pay is about the same as lecturing. Plus, there are benefits like state retirement plans.
But, I’m not happy in the K12 world of state standards, rigid lesson plans, and political turmoil. Miserable and depressed might be the two best adjectives. Imagine 29 students, 21 chairs, 18 working computers, none with the software for which we have textbooks. Of those 29 students, half meet the prerequisite skills for the course. That’s teaching in public schools. That’s the challenge teachers face.
Now what?
We are not moving ever again. I’m not completing any more credentials or certifications.
I belong in education. I belong in a classroom with engaged students discussing writing, technology, design, and rhetorical concepts. I know where I want to be, and I never figured out how to be there.
Don’t misunderstand. I’d love to teach about technology to young people interested in the topic. I’d love to share my passions with anyone, of any age. But that’s not how students are enrolled in courses.
Having students tell you, bluntly, they don’t want to learn about programming, web design, or anything else you might teach, is demoralizing. The profanity and walking out of the room… those are bonus insults.
I’m so exhausted and demoralized that I have no clear sense of direction.
I’m not teaching students against their will next year. That’s not something I enjoy.
Do I love my content area or teaching? They go together! I want to teach about technology and communication.
The university teaching post I don’t have remains what I want and what I know I can do. Chasing that dream might have been pointless, but I cannot seem to let it go.
What did the universities want? A generalist? A narrowly-focused specialist? I don’t perseverate on one topic. I don’t have a laser-like focus on one niche topic. I love learning everything and anything.
I love writing scripts. I love computers. I am passionate about design and typography. I’m all over the place, and nowhere.
Now, I’m 50-years-old (almost 51) and adrift after all these years. I had a plan. I wanted that plan to become reality. I’d teach, I’d write, and I’d enjoy my creative hobbies.
I swore I wouldn’t adjunct again. I told myself I’d only teach full-time and with some promise of a better future.
It turns out, any university post is better than none at all.