Last updated on November 26, 2023
Midnight passed as I edited this post, trying to shape the words into something more eloquent. For as long as I can recall, I have worked late into the night on projects, seeming to think more clearly after dark in a relatively quiet setting.
Yet, in these late night hours with the radio tuned to chatter or Old-Time Radio streaming via the Internet, my isolation feels more intense. The sound of my own breathing, the pains in my joints, the wandering thought-words I hear in my mind, all serve to remind me that I am alone.
I sit at my desk or in a living room chair and either write with a pencil or type. For at least 30 years, and probably 40, I have written, typed, or programmed at these late hours.
Frequently, I wish I had someone with whom to talk. During the 1980s and 90s, that led to online chats — IRC, AOL, MySpace, Yahoo — and then to reading RSS feeds. Today, I skim Apple News, Google News, and Facebook for headlines between the paragraphs or pages I manage to write.
Other writers might sit and write non-stop, but I like to take breaks. I might read a headline and a few paragraphs. Sometimes, I’ll listen to most of a radio program, just closely enough to follow the story. When desperate, I’ll turn on the television and work with the background noise.
I’m lonely and isolated.
This isn’t merely being a night own, though that trait doesn’t help. There is also an “autistic” and an “introvert” aspect to this isolation.
Sitting home alone all the time isn’t good because the cats don’t care to converse. I’m awake when my wife is asleep at night. Between dinner and her bed time, she wants silence after our daughters are asleep.
She talks to coworkers, chats, and interacts with other adults a lot more than I do. I wonder if my wife realizes that even when I am teaching, she has a lot more interaction with peers.
I know I drive my wife nuts with the desire just to talk to an adult. She wants to read, I want to feel less alone.
Compared to my wife, I’m an extrovert. To her, I’m a talkative extrovert. To colleagues, I’m the person who sits at the back of a room for the first few meetings.
I want to engage in small, quieter, spaces.
Plenty of social groups and professional groups meet after work hours. But, I don’t navigate those groups well.
I do not want to be in a crowd. I don’t crave large groups or loud discussions. I desire some human contact, but not of the large meetup or social hour sort. When I have tried groups, they have been overwhelming.
“Use Meetup.com” people suggest. It might work, since that’s how I made contact with other Apple programming enthusiasts. I’ve joined some new Meetup groups here in Texas and will try my first small techie gathering in a week.
Creative writing groups might work well. They don’t tend to be noisy people.
I want to write plays, make films, and discuss coding. I want to locate communities of people who share my creative and technical passions. Being new to Central Texas, I don’t know the communities yet. Also, I don’t really want to be driving into Austin or San Antonio late at night.
For now, I work at night and hope that the isolation will pass.