Last updated on November 26, 2023
Podcast 0051; Season 04, Episode 15; December 29, 2020
This episode features reflections on being an Autistic Podcaster and Blogger. Every blog post and podcast episode takes a great deal of effort. I know it takes me more effort than it should. I know writers who manage to post daily during the week. Others manage a weekly schedule. Podcasts also do better with a regular schedule, yet I never quite manage to maintain a weekly release pace.
Transcript (lightly edited)
Hello, and welcome to The Autistic Me Podcast. I am Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me.
This episode is my fifty-first podcast and the last of 2020, a year quite unlike any other.
I’ve been surprised by the steady growth of The Autistic Me blog and this podcast during 2020. I thank the thousands of listeners who supported this effort enough that The Autistic Me now appears on every major podcast and streaming service. Finding the podcast on Amazon, Spotify, TuneIn, and other services beyond Apple’s platforms surprised me in the best possible way.
The Autistic Me blog was launched in 2007. In 13 years, I have never maintained a good schedule with the blog — and the podcast is equally sporadic. I admire bloggers and podcasters who maintain schedules. I also envy their superior time management skills.
Being the author of The Autistic Me blog requires more energy than my other writing projects. Podcasting more than doubled the energy requirement.
I write a column for a newspaper supplement and make those deadlines. My academic papers and book projects might cause anxiety, but I finish them and submit the work. Am I pleased with my work? Rarely. Still, having firm deadlines and editors forces me to submit whatever I have written as it is, not as I might want it to be. Without an external deadline, I never stop trying to improve a project.
All projects cause anxiety and physical pain. I’m exhausted after writing a thousand words. The creative process and the physical process take a toll on me.
Before I was diagnosed as autistic, I was treated for ADHD. There’s no question I struggle with executive functions, anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem, and probably a few other personality obstacles. Add sensory processing issues and some physical challenges to the mix.
Writing or typing isn’t always easy. Podcasting? Producing audio is much, much more complicated than blogging. Of course, someday people might want video, too!
People watching me type or write for a few minutes on a good day don’t realize what a struggle it is for me to put words onto paper or screen.
I write with my right hand most of the time. Unfortunately, it is my right arm that is partially paralyzed and has tremors. Limited rotation affects my writing. I cannot put my hand in a “palm up” position, for example.
I hold my pencil or pen incorrectly, using something called the “lateral quadrupod” grip. That means I use four digits to hold a pen and guide my writing. I wrap my thumb across the index and middle finger, resting the pen against my calloused ring finger. The grip quickly leads to pain and even cramping.
This grip is often the sign of someone writing with the “wrong” hand. I should have learned to write with my left, apparently. I do use utensils better with my left hand.
Curiously, I’m ambidextrous and switch between left and right without realizing it if I’m using a whiteboard in a classroom.
Typing is only slightly easier than writing. My right hand doesn’t always do what I want, which leads to frustration. It cannot be trusted to guide a mouse. I have found that a trackpad or trackball works well. I know… I should have taught myself to use my left hand by now. I do use my left hand to throw a baseball or play darts. I’m definitely lefthanded.
[Not mentioned in the audio: I read and write at painfully slow speeds, struggling to encode and decode letters. One expert said this was dyslexia. I do process letters and words correctly… eventually. It’s exhausting to read more than a few pages, which is why I love audiobooks and podcasts.]
Dictation software works better than most people realize. Except… there are times when I don’t speak smoothly. Sometimes, I cannot even get the right words out of my mouth. I recommend dictation software to my students and demonstrate to them how accurate the tools have become. (When you can use them.)
Once words are in my editor of choice, I edit the post or the script.
Forget my arm’s minor paralysis. That’s nothing compared to the mental paralysis that accompanies editing anything I create.
Before you read a post or hear this podcast, I spend hours editing. Those hours sometimes become days.
With the blog posts, I rearrange, rewrite, and reconsider the text. I’ll move a sentence or paragraph several times, trying to decide where the words work best. I’ll then rewrite sentences. I have used tools to improve my writing, such as Grammarian, Grammarly, and Microsoft Editor. After all the time I spend on a paragraph, I still might delete it.
I delete passages for many reasons. Some are boring. Some should remain private. Often, I simply don’t like them. At least a third of my blog post and podcast drafts never end up online because I wasn’t happy with them.
Podcast editing involves removing things, too. I don’t add to the recording or rearrange them, though that might make sense if I had a major program with lots of interviews.
I spend hours removing gaps from recordings. With interview episodes, I remove repeated words, “um” and “uh” moments, and background sounds. Every 30 minutes features a thousand or more edits.
Editing at least uses my sensitivity to sound. It’s as annoying as it is helpful.
Most of the podcasts feature poor audio quality. I hate what I hear while editing, so I do my best to fix the sound. Accept my apologies for recordings that sound like I was in a closet. The truth is, I really did record with my phone while sitting in a closet. Having two young children, I record when I can and where I can best escape the extra sounds.
Because I want the blog and podcast to be good, I hate reading the posts later or listening to past podcast episodes. I feel lousy for not posting better content over the years. I’m amazed anyone reads more than one post or listens to more than one podcast episode.
Hating everything I create, I start to doubt I should be posting or recording new content. I’ve come close to giving up several times.
And then, someone will write to me to say a blog post or podcast episode made a difference. Those emails and direct messages remind me there is an audience for The Autistic Me.
When I start to question the energy required for blogging and podcasting, I look at the traffic reports. Sorting out the bots and click-and-leave visits, thousands of unique readers and listeners remain.
Yes, I need a social media strategy to promote the blog and podcast. I should use Twitter daily and consider other social media platforms. I should do a lot of things to make The Autistic Me more popular.
I don’t have 10,000 Facebook or Twitter followers. The blog has only a few thousand subscribers. Yet, the blog and podcast seem to be doing well. Somehow, people find The Autistic Me. If you’re hearing this or reading the transcript, I thank you. I am especially grateful for how many of you must be sharing The Autistic Me.
Socially, I struggle with interactions. The blog and podcast are somewhat safe interactions, like appearing on stage as a speaker or leading a class. Yet, I love learning from other people.
I escape from myself by learning. Information comforts me. Books, magazines, blogs, and podcasts connect me to the world. Unable to wander bookstores and physical magazine racks this year, I browse the infinite digital aisles of words available on my computer, iPad, and iPhone.
Maybe we’re all seeking the connection words provide. Sharing knowledge, we connect to people.
Please like the Autistic Me Facebook page and follow along on Twitter. Let me know what guests and topics might be interesting. I’m constantly searching for better ideas and I know guests make the podcast more interesting.
Again, thank you for listening to The Autistic Me Podcast and reading The Autistic Me blog during 2020. I’ll never be satisfied with what I’m writing or recording, but I’ll keep at it as long as there are listeners and readers.
I am Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me.
- Blog: https://www.tameri.com/autisticme/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/autisticme/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/autisticme
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/CSWyatt
- Podcast: https://autisticme.libsyn.com/