Last updated on November 26, 2023
Podcast Episode 0065; Season 04, Episode 29; June 1, 2021
Throughout the experience of pandemic parenting, I held onto the hope for productivity. However, my focus quickly shifted from my creative works to educating my daughters and their needs have remained my primary concern. As the pandemic seems to be waning, Susan and I now wonder if we might finally have some time for our interests.
Transcript
Hello, and welcome to The Autistic Me Podcast. I am Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me.
To the parents and guardians listening, you should not feel like the last year hasn’t been productive. Reflect on how many of us became teachers and telecommuters, juggling anxious children and our other responsibilities.
It’s okay to hope our children return to physical classrooms in school buildings at the end of this summer.
Darn right Susan and I are hoping for a high immunization rate, herd immunity, and a return to something approaching normalcy 12 weeks from now. Yes, I am counting down the weeks until the 2021-22 school year starts. And I’m absolutely anxious that something will go wrong and the girls will need to be homeschooled for another year.
When I began the podcast, I was naive enough to believe that after our daughters were in school that I would have more time for projects related to The Autistic Me. The blog, the podcast, and two book manuscripts. I hoped to return to public speaking, too. Maybe more consulting work, helping schools, agencies, and employers.
A few years later and I realize how delusional it was to imagine I’d have more time for creative projects as the girls grew up. And then… COVID-19.
I had big plans for 2020 and 2021. They didn’t happen.
Productivity, or the lack thereof, is a frequent topic for my blog posts and the podcast. I feel like I’ve never lived up to what was expected of me.
At least for the last year, we’ve all had a good excuse not to be our best and most productive selves. I sure didn’t accomplish any of my goals.
No book manuscripts were completed. Not every week had a podcast episode and two or three blog posts. No other creative projects were completed, either. Certainly no speaking engagements or consulting gigs.
I love parenting, but it takes every bit of energy I have under the best of circumstances. Susan and I are exhausted by dinner time most days. How do other parents manage to do so much? Even during the pandemic, some parenting social media influencers are posting their amazing accomplishments.
These YouTube and podcast parents who do a lot sometimes make me feel inferior. They work full time, create artistic works on the side, and are active on social media promoting their careers and creative projects. All from home, during a pandemic. What is up with that? Do they have secret nannies?
There are only two explanations for their productivity: These superstars of social media, these superficially perfect parents are either superhuman or earn enough to hire assistants. There are days I wonder if an in-house helper a few hours weekly would free us to do some other tasks. We tried that when the girls were younger… but it didn’t work as planned.
It would be nice if I could blame COVID for my exhaustion, but that’s not a satisfying explanation. The pandemic hasn’t helped. It consumed what little — very little — time we did have for other tasks.
Since March 13, 2020, the girls have not set foot in a classroom. The girls were homeschooled for this entire year. I researched state standards, organized the schoolwork, reviewed materials with the girls, and managed as much as I could. Susan graded more papers than I have, though I tried to grade as much and as quickly as I could.
Summer won’t offer much of a break, either. We’re going to continue the homeschooling through summer so the girls are ready for their return to campus.
We’ve discussed our approach with their psychiatrists. Continuing school throughout the summer gives the girls the security of a predictable routine. At first, I had hoped to reduce the workload. We all need a break. However, we’re going to stick with one page of work per academic subject because the girls struggle with retention.
The pandemic didn’t help my plans, but will I get back on track after the girls return to public school?
I always thought the cartoons depicting parents passing out after their children went to sleep were hyperbolic. The office supply chain that celebrated back to school season with snippets of a Christmas song declaring “It’s the happiest time of the year” as parents smiled and children frowned? As a parent, I am now looking forward to back-to-school like never before.
Parenting dominates every waking moment of every day. As I have written and mentioned on the podcast, I wasn’t productive enough before this pandemic. My goals weren’t being met, even though I had no good excuse for not producing new works. I should have been promoting my works and services, too.
Please, please, let this summer be the end of pandemic parenting.
If you haven’t done so already, get vaccinated. As the age of eligibility continues to decline, let’s make sure teens and preteens receive vaccinations, too.
When we get through this pandemic, I don’t expect parenting to get magically easy… merely a tiny bit easier. I keep trying to get back on track. If the girls return to school, I will set aside the hours when they are out of the house for my writing and other projects.
Something can be self-serving and the best thing for our daughters.
Ambivalence about school costs me a lot sleep lately.
The girls need to be back around other children. Susan needs quiet during the workday. I need a chance to try to be productive. We all need a break from each other. We need time to recharge.
School isn’t about skills and knowledge. The girls have learned more and done better academically at home than in school. Without the pandemic, we wouldn’t have made so much progress.
Susan and I, however, cannot teach social skills. We cannot help the girls learn to navigate other people.
Homeschooling can be supplemented with group activities. Many families homeschool successfully by including local sports, scouting, music lessons, and other social activities in their routines. Our girls are in Girl Scouts, had swimming lessons, and played soccer.
But public school is different. It’s more like what the girls will experience in college, trade schools, or workplaces.
Our daughters struggle with social cues and relationships. I don’t know yet if the girls struggle more than Susan and I do or if they will develop social skills. School at least gives them the opportunity to be around other children every day.
Ann says she doesn’t have any friends in school. Leigh says she had a few friends but didn’t enjoy classes. I don’t know what will happen when they return to school. Maybe it won’t go well, or maybe they’ll make friends. I wish we knew which way it will go.
We’re still hopeful that school will be close to normal and the girls will enjoy being on campus.
If the girls are unhappy when school resumes, or if there’s yet another coronavirus wave due to mutations, maybe we’ll be right back to homeschooling. If the girls are not learning and feel bad about themselves, then I’m not subjecting them to daily suffering.
The best moments in my life have been when the girls were happy and enjoying themselves. The pandemic has taken away a lot of opportunities for joy. That’s why working to create a safe and happy space must be my first priority.
I might dream of being productive, but not at the cost of the well-being of the two girls Susan and I vowed to love and protect. Many honest parents admit to having those days when they feel like parenthood required them to sacrifice a lot. Susan and I chose to become parents. We worked through the foster-adopt system. It was a sacrifice, but one I will never regret. I certainly do not resent my children.
My children didn’t create this homeschooling situation. They’ve managed being at home day after day fairly well.
There are people I resent. The vaccine deniers. The unmasked angry shoppers. The conspiracy peddlers. I resent that people actively made choices that have prolonged the worst of COVID-19. The bad choices of adults are why we’ve experienced pandemic parenting
Now, it’s up to adults to make sure we have something approaching a normal school year after this summer.
I am Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me, a parent hoping to be more productive in a post-pandemic world.
Thank you for listening.
The Autistic Me
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