Last updated on November 26, 2023
“Don’t forget, April is Autism Awareness Month!”
How could anyone forget?
“One in every 44 children likely meets the criteria for an autism diagnosis. This month is for them.”
Awareness. Acceptance.
Autistic Pride.
Thank goodness, the first week of this month, I wasn’t online much. In a case of curiously good timing… my MacBook Pro is being rebuilt by Apple, so I am mostly disconnected from Autism Awareness / Acceptance / Argument month.
I do have an iPad, which I am using at this moment, but I mostly use it to play puzzle games and watch movies. I installed LinkedIn and Indeed apps last night because I’m still somewhat obsessed with finding employment.
I logged in to social media today and read the various autism posts here and elsewhere, in between submitting job applications into the ether.
Autism April. Meh. I felt disconnected from most of what I read. I opted to solve some crosswords.
All the attention given to Autism Awareness Month hasn’t escaped the oldest daughter’s attention.
“What do you like about being autistic, Daddy? What good is ADHD?”
The girls are aware enough to ask the tough questions. I don’t have good answers.
My autistic experiences reinforce the concerns I have for my daughters. They know I don’t have a career. They know the three of us struggle with even natural sensory input. They know I don’t have many friends, mainly online loose connections.
What are autism and Neurodiversity for our family?
Physical and mental health screenings. Diagnostic labels. Therapies and medications. Meltdowns. Self-injurious behaviors. Poor sleep patterns. 504 Plans and IEPs. Repeated grades.
I’ve lost faith in most therapies, and I oppose others for dehumanizing the Neurodiverse. I’m reluctant to turn to medications, especially as a parent, but I also know the girls cannot function without interventions for ADHD, anxiety, and mood swings.
It’s not like we don’t know all the coping strategies.
My autistic traits take pleasures from me that other people get to have. Dinners out. Road trips. Family vacations. I worry the girls will resent their Neurodiversity at times, too.
I’m not a great role model, since I don’t have autistic pride. I have autistic anxiety and dread. Not great things to model for my children.
Neurodiversity means my wife dreading any attempts to dine out or go anywhere as a family. Either one of the girls or I will experience sensory overload or some unexpected trigger. It means knowing that too often what we might want to do will end in frustration, panic, pain, or all three of those.
I mentioned to my wife that I miss dining out sometimes. She reminded me that even before we became parents, we’d sometimes go to a restaurant I liked only to have to leave without eating because some sight, sound, or smell overwhelmed me. Now, with two daughters as sensitive as I am? Going anywhere is a gamble not worth taking. We can start a drive or even a walk and have to return home without reaching our planned destination.
I do try to explain the positive aspects of Neurodiversity to the girls. That’s not easy, though, when I’m at home wishing I felt more productive and useful.
Children have a lot of awareness. They are aware that all this hype about autism serves as a reminder that awareness isn’t enough and acceptance sounds like resignation. At least we’re no longer using the word “tolerance” when referring to marginalized communities. I really don’t want to be tolerated.
I try to keep busy and maintain some hope for the future. April is emotionally draining.
At least I have the blogs, podcast, and other outlets. Without technology, I’d really be lost.
And yet, I’m glad that, at least for this week, I don’t have my favorite piece of technology.
(As an aside, when replacing a battery requires replacing most of the computer, that seems like a poor design. However, our Macs remain in service for 5 years or more, so I’m not too upset that the battery gave out finally.)