Last updated on November 26, 2023
Podcast Episode 0029; Season 03, Episode 01, September 16, 2019
It’s time for a new beginning. The Autistic Me Podcast and this blog kept limping along through the years. However, we moved this summer and our entire family is ready for a new start. I’m not sure where the projects are headed, but it’s nice to know The Autistic Me has an audience.
Transcript (Lightly Edited)
Welcome to The Autistic Me Podcast. I am Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me.
As I begin this third season of the podcast, and approach the thirteenth year of the blog, I have been asking myself how to balance the requests from followers for more personal insights against the privacy of my wife and children. The Autistic Me offers my personal perspective on life with autistic traits and I recognize that is what supporters of this project want. Clinical information and scientific research updates are available elsewhere.
Sadly, plenty of other places also offer debates and divisive content on the causes of and treatments for autism.
My followers want to know about my autistic life experiences. The personal connections people feel to The Autistic Me are revealed when I don’t post for a few weeks — or longer.
The Autistic Me Podcast and Blog were on something of a hiatus during the spring and summer of 2019 while we experienced some major changes. I appreciate that many blog readers, podcast listeners, and social media followers asked if everything was okay with my family and me.
Our family is well. More importantly, we are now officially — that is legally— a family of four. The adoption of our two daughters was finalized on May 10, ending a long three-and-a-half-year journey through the foster care system. Technically, that journey began a year or more before the girls entered our lives when we decided to become foster parents.
The adoption technically frees my wife and me to discuss our parenting experiences just as any other parents might. However, the foster-adopt experience has reinforced my opinion that parents should carefully consider how much they share about their children — not only online, but in all settings. Being legally permitted to post photos or share information doesn’t change how I feel about respecting their privacy. As they get older, we will ask the girls if, when, and how they want information shared.
While the girls were in the foster care system, we always had to consider that they might be placed with relatives or even one of their birth parents. It was only during the final six months or so that we felt (almost) certain everything was going to work out and we’d be a forever family.
As we approach the fourth anniversary of their arrival, our daughters remain the best choice my wife and I have made as a couple. It was not an easy four years, with all the uncertainty and Kafkaesque machinations of the legal system. We worried constantly, and so did our daughters. The stress on all four of us cannot be exaggerated.
Being in foster care is traumatic for most children in the system. The girls might not feel truly safe and secure for another few years. Most research suggests these early experiences cause permanent changes to a person. We love the girls and we will be there for them in the months and years ahead, no matter what.
I’ve written about the choice to become parents on The Autistic Me blog. I’ll include links to those posts at the end of the transcript for this podcast. Those posts were personal, discussing the factors that led us to choose the foster system and adoption. In the coming weeks, I might address those factors on the podcast.
The other big news is that The Autistic Me is now based in Central Texas. After the adoption, we were able to relocate to a region with more opportunities. I blogged about the move, which has gone relatively smoothly. My wife and I are from Central California, which is a lot like Central Texas: hot, dry, and flat.
Our home in Pennsylvania hasn’t yet sold, but there is a contingent offer. Once that house sells, another source of stress will be lifted from our lives. With two house payments, my family needs me to be a success.
I began this episode admitting that the balance between privacy and providing personal insights poses a challenge. Some social media celebrities have massive followings largely because they discuss the most intimate details of their lives. The choices I make about what to share affect my wife and our children. I don’t want to embarrass my family.
It isn’t sharing information about love or romance that worries me.
No, it is The Autistic Me that concerns me. I worry that my autistic traits, challenges, and resulting failures will embarrass my wife and children.
For the last four years, I have tried not to disclose too much about my physical, educational, or employment struggles. I worried constantly that my struggles would somehow cause us to lose our daughters. Questions we had been asked years earlier about autism and parenting haunted me. Did I deserve to be a parent?
Minor surgeries became major nightmares. A car accident caused me yet more worry when I had to quit a part-time job. What if I didn’t complete my master of fine arts degree? What if I didn’t find a job? What if I couldn’t do things with our daughters that other parents could do?
Actually, I did fine when I look back on those years. I managed trips to theme parks, museums, and two ballet performances. We traveled and had adventures as a family. One trip didn’t go smoothly, but now we know better than to travel to Central California in summer.
If anything, my paranoia about being an autistic parent make me self-aware when I do fall short. I tell the girls Daddy isn’t perfect and needs to be a better Daddy every day. They make me a better person because I want to be a role model to them.
I now worry a bit less about disappointing or embarrassing my wife and daughters. A little bit less. I’ll always worry that I’m not a good enough parent, even though I love being Daddy to our daughters.
One final thought. A few years ago, I paused updating a book on autism and relationships because of the tension between reader questions and privacy. After discussing this with my wife, the work on the book has resumed. Unlike a blog or podcast that might show up in a random online search, a book is something someone seeks out and purchases.
I hope this third season of The Autistic Me Podcastmeets audience expectations. If you leave comments or email me, I’ll do my best to address the issues of concern. It would be nice to have more guests and maybe a cohost or two for some open-ended discussions. Please share your suggestions.
Join our community on Facebook by searching for “The Autistic Me” or use Facebook.com slash autisticme — all one word. Our Twitter account is also AT autistic me.
This has been Christopher Scott Wyatt, speaking as The Autistic Me.
The Autistic Me
- http://www.tameri.com/autisticme/
- https://www.facebook.com/autisticme/
- https://twitter.com/autisticme
The Autistic Me Posts Mentioned
- Moving to Texas: https://www.tameri.com/wordpress/autisticme/2019/07/15/now-posting-from-texas/
- Parents by Choice: https://www.tameri.com/wordpress/autisticme/2019/04/26/autistic-parent-by-choice-keep-objections-to-yourself/
- Marriage: https://www.tameri.com/wordpress/autisticme/2019/01/22/is-your-marriage-normal/
- https://www.tameri.com/wordpress/autisticme/2017/05/23/the-question-starts-youre-married-so/
- https://www.tameri.com/wordpress/autisticme/2016/11/09/terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-year-but/